Worthless Creation

INSOMNIA

2007-04-20T17:52:00.000+08:00

Waaa ... help me ... I can't sleep ... grrr .... what's wrong with me ... grrr .... *Leans here* .... *Leans there* ... *thinks of sleep* .... still I cannot sleep ... grrrr ....

Sadness Burst

2007-04-15T17:19:00.000+08:00

Do you ever get the feeling that you feel very lonely for such a moment? Well, I did a few moments ago.

Yesterday was a very busy day for me, for I was covering my officemate who's not around the office. I thought that the day would be so slow, but it turned out that there had been many projects sent. It's a good thing that Big Brother Ben spared me for the morning so that I can rest (and attend a badminton session - but too bad I missed it). So I slept at around a quarter near 12 noon and woke up at 3:30PM. Jeremy's with me at home (and by the way I haven't mentioned that Jeremy's my only companion in the house after the other three are gone with their new lives). He went out to have a massage with Mitch - so minus one folk at home equals to me being alone. I just played and played and played Warcraft, but then inside me I feel so empty. I called home and talked with mom (even though she's trying to remind me of my phone bills), and I called Rhendy and had a small chat. After those calls, still I did felt that I am so empty. My officemates came along (and brought along a bottle of tequila) and invited us to go to a Jamaican nights event, but I refused because I don't like such events. A few left, had talks up until 2AM, and after that we adjourned for the morning. All are now asleep except me, sitting infront of my PC and browsed the Internet while listening to Tracy Chapman songs. I still feel the emptiness inside.

This morning, I tried a new game (I just downloaded Last Chaos - a new MMORPG game addiction). I was reminded that I have a project that's due this week, but then I am in no mood of doing it. Good thing Peter asked me to play DOTA in GG Client, and we played and we won 2-0. After that, I am now back to my geekazoid mode. Jeremy and Mitch went out to the city after watching Paquiao won over Solis (and I can say that it's a dry game). So now I am left alone at home - still feeling so empty.

Then I thought, how can I be empty if in my heart I still have Someone who's awesome enough to cleanse and purify you? Then I came to realize that if I will just fix my eyes on Jesus I will be overjoyed. Loneliness is just something that will taunt you to slack around.

Well that's all. I am just babbling here. I don't have any place to go, 'coz I need to finish this project of mine.

Let There Be Light

2007-04-12T20:23:00.000+08:00

Without electricity, there's no way you can charge your cellular phone (unless you have an extra battery at hand)
Without electricity, there are no ice-cold drinks in your refrigerator.
Without electricity, you cannot iron your clothes (unless it's battery operated)
Without electricity, it's very hot without a cooling system (unless you'll use a hand fan)
Without electricity, there's no way I can post an entry like this.

OMG!!! This day was totally a wreck, because we got disconnected. But then I already paid our bills. Darns! I paid an extra 50 Php just for a reconnection fee.

So a lesson I have learned: Don't rely much in paying your bills later than the due date, for there will be a case you'll forget it and the next time you'll remember it will be the day that you'll be disconnected.

Music And Lyrics Mania

2007-03-26T07:22:00.000+08:00

Hello all!!! WOW I was speechless for almost 3 months!

Anyways, I just want to share something. I have watched Music and Lyrics twice already (and it was really nice). Lyric writing is indeed hard, but then you just need to have an inspiration for it to pop out in your head. Just like writing poems, you really need to motivate yourself also, or else everything would go to a waste.

These are the things (some of it I intend not to post but many people knew) that happened to me for the first quarter of 2007 (actually it's still the first quarter but ...):

I was promoted as a shift manager - the good thing is I can now do some other stuff which I wanted to do for the company because I only need to "supervise" the group
I had been in the hospital 4 times (from palpitations to vertigo to ear problems to heart problems to shoulder dislocations) - the bad news is that my leave credits are now gone and I have to wait for June for it to be refreshed
Valentines day was a very blooper in my life ... for I was to attend a "Hawak-kamay" event spearheaded by VCF Cebu but then I dislocated my shoulder by 3PM when I got home from work - the bad news is I promised them that I will be there and I missed it and my friends who were supposed to be there came in our home and helped me out with my injury
I was in Manila from February 16-19, but then many of my plans were busted. The bad thing was that I was just spending for nothing - but then I was very thankful for Bob and the gang in their place for the warm welcome
I am still a 220-pound monster, and I am attending to gym classes and I did go to a nutritionist (which happened to be just near home) to check on me - the good thing is I have learned to control my "diet" sensation
My heart is still as stubborn as it seems - and the bad thing is that I have lost those who are really so dear to me

And of course, "Don't write me off" by Hugh Grant inspired me to make a poem to someone that I don't want #6 above to happen again.

I can hear music around and I can formulate lyrics in my mind
When I see this lady around - vibrant, elegant and with a face so kind
I always wished that if only I can be with this lady until the day that I will die
Because I feel that I cannot sieze the day when this lady will always bid goodbye

But then because there's a contradiction of Horace in my life
I am pulverized because of this feeling of loneliness and strife
Doing anything just to help me rid of thy heart's dismay
I am wrong because I will always remember what happened last May

So for this beautiful lady that gave music and lyrics in my abode
There had been many things about you that I can write as an ode
Above all I am really thankful to thy Amazing One above
For someone who's vibrant, elegant and with a face so kind that I can express of my love

Happy New Year

2007-01-05T21:49:00.000+08:00

It's a happy new year ... new life (alcohol-free and nicotine-free) ... new suits for me (my officemates are kinda stunned at me wearing a formal attire) ... new responsibilities (my boss will be here to stay with us for the next two years) ... all of these makes me happy 'coz starting now I will not be bored anymore.

The only bad start that I have now is having a poor Internet connection. I cannot play Rappelz anymore (because I am way behind in leveling). I hope the connection will be back to normal ahead.

And oh, the new blogger is way to cool!

Again, happy new year to all!!!!

Goodbye 2006

2006-12-30T02:22:00.000+08:00

Before anything, I thank my Awesome God for all the things He has done for me .... from a worthless life to a purpose-driven life.

Two days more and then we are now to increment our year. I'm not yet to post here my "resolution list" 'coz I'll be waiting for New Year's day to do it (at least that maybe if I start my year right I might be able to post articles on a daily basis - I hope).

For this year, many things came in my life .... be it bloopers or not. This year really was a challenging one. I had made a good testimony for my life, and many were amazed at it (and some feel bad at it). I am now attending VCF (Victory Christian Fellowship) services and even join small group meetings with my newly found friends in VCF. I now barely join drinking sprees, and I got rid of the nicotine and caffeine addiction. Thanks to many people also, I am doing my best to live a healthy life.

Happy holidays everyone, and for the next two days, it will be a Boom Tarat Tarat for all!!!!

Decemberfest, But A Disasterfest For Some

2006-12-01T19:33:00.000+08:00

For a very good reason I will not be posting my Bohol escapade pics and as well as our paintball fights for November.

So the air now crisps for December, in which people are preparing for gifts, thinks of food and celebrations, and reunions as well. In this month also, the 13th month pay will be given (and hooray I'm waiting for it).

I just saw the news and I feel sad about Albay because of "Bagyong Reming" leaving behind casualties in the area. As of now, almost 300 lives are lost, and there are many that are still missing. Many households are broken down, hoping they could start a new life and still feel the goodness of the season of Christmas.

We hope that the government will tend for this disaster. I think the NDCC's trying to do something about this, and we hope that everyone will be catered. Let us all pray for those people affected, and we pray that they will be in good hands.

"If one of your countrymen becomes poor and is unable to support himself among you, help him as you would an alien or a temporary resident, so he can continue to live among you." - Leviticus 25:35

Absolute Truth

2006-11-20T00:49:00.000+08:00

People would say that nothing's constant in this world except change. If all things (be it material or not) can alter itself, then what is the absolute truth? People cannot define it well, 'coz (as Sam says) it's beyond our language. Take for instance before they say that the earth is flat, but then as time advances and as well as knowledge expands that definition (in which at that time would be their conclusion) is somewhat wrong.

For me, my truth is this: As long as I am still breathing, I will be praising my God, for He's an awesome God. Some of my friends might despise me of that, but I stand firm on that, for I have found a sure and firm foundation in Him!

Sorry I haven't posted my "escapade" pics yet, my PC's so messed up and I still have to reformat everything.

Monster 2006

2006-11-02T22:40:00.000+08:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Sacrifices

2006-10-31T15:37:00.000+08:00

Last October 25 was my birthday, one birthday in which I thought it would be the gloomiest day of my life, but it's really great that my KPC Dotanian friends made my day complete (the party started 9PM and it was good), not to mention that they're the ones who made my month complete (the island-hopping-spree, DOTA, drinks, Videokes).

I haven't posted much for now because I am kinda "busy" with stuff. I am now working at our mornings (and I kinda missed the moon). This is due to my "sickness anxiety". I am doing all my best to do my necessary check-ups. I already went to a dentist (I need to have my molars fixed), a cardiologist (and I had an ECG exam - and it went fine), a nutritionist (DIET DIET DIET). Next will be the Lipid panel, Thyroid Panel, Diabetes check, Chest XRAY, and 2D Echo. I feel better and better everyday, but still I need to finish it. Right now, I am still having this "sensation" on the chest part (I haven't done the chest XRAY yet, and I am thinking I might have broken something due to my gym sessions).

Currently with me being the dayshift, I feel bad about this decision. I had a colleague of mine (which is a good friend) sacrifice himself just for my personal-health's sake. He really wanted to have the shift with me since May when I was feeling sick (because of my eyes and high systole level), but I accepted it by the mid of October. I feel ashamed because I feel selfish that I am sacrificing him because of me. And to think, he's not used to work as a nocturnal, and sad to say he has a family to tend to. Right now I can feel the burden, and seeing him so weak when I get in the office really melts me. I told my boss that if there can be a chance to change back what I told them (that I need to work on dayshift) then I think this guilt of mine will not be of existence. And now I am to work on the dayshift until the end of December. Professionally, this is okay, but not with my heart's content.

I prayed that I may be enlightened on things. I asked: "Does this has a purpose for me? Why do people need to sacrifice for my personal health?" Then I just thought that Jesus died for our sins. Is this what we call sacrifice?

I just hope that things would go better, and I hope that working on the dayshift will yield me wonders. Before I party a lot at nights, but not this time. Things change .... for the good .... and all I know is that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Phil. 4:13).

My So Called Life (Repost)

2006-10-06T12:18:00.000+08:00

*Upon writing this in the office my heart's pounding hard, and I am in tears (I don't know if it's of joy or whatever)*

Back then when I was in my elementary and highschool years, I have served YFC merely as just a member of the music ministry team. Serving the Lord has been my passion. Back then also, my friends will always tease me as the ABSB (Always Busted Since Birth) in the group, 'coz whenever I try myself to have someone with me as a girlfriend I am always dumped out. But nonetheless, I still served YFC and served Him.

In college, I came to realize that my serving in YFC has been not that worthwhile. Few people are now making YFC as a social group, but not as a fellowship with Him. And then also, I happened to expand my knowledge about politics and philosophy. With those knowledge and as well as my sympathy over the opressed and exploited, I became an Atheist as I can be, and as well became an activist. I was so kind of radical that time and with that it cost me my academe. I stopped school for a year due to that, and along with the fact that I had a girlfriend (that time) with the same views as mine. My family and friends that time tried to avoid me because they think that I am a mad man.

When a time came that I worked on an Internet cafe, I happened to listen to the first album of Jars of Clay. That time also, I had a problem with my girlfriend (that time) because of lies (I saw my girlfriend that time with some guy and I was kinda mad and speechless at the same time). Upon listening to "Worlds Apart", my heart melted and all my thoughts in elementary and highschool popped out, trying to clear out my college days memories. I confronted Yoni ('coz at that time she stopped school also) and we talked and talked about Him. She then handed me a book and I read it (the book was Joshua Harris' I kissed Dating Goodbye). After reading it everything cleared out and by that I broke-up with my girlfriend that time.

As I have changed (for good that time), my family welcomed me again, and as well as my friends. Even though I went out of my Atheistic thinking, I still can't help asking about things which I deem not material to my thinking. I ask and ask and ask, skepticism always rule above me. And my heart and life that time was just devoted to my family and friends. Many would say that I need to get a girlfriend, but I lived my life in singleness. After 4 years, I had a girlfriend which only grew in an initial spark, but trials came unto us so that relationship didn't last long.

Before I am out of scholastic life, I met this beautiful girl (inside and out) which I thought I can have for life, but I was challenged to the fact that we cannot be together because of time constrainst. So that relationship fuzzed out, and too bad that we are not friends until now. I longed and longed that we will be friends, but too bad for me it's kinda void. Also by that time I keep questioning the Lord "Why does these things happen to me?" I was drowned with a lot of beers and smokes within me, and not to think that I go to the office "half-drunk" and annoy most of the people because I just slack off at work.

January this year came and I was kinda happy to know that I now had a big responsibility at work. Thus I force myself to work hard in order to achieve good output for our team. So my career in the office is booming. My only problem that time is my heart. I still ask and question the Lord "Lord why me?" but still I don't get any answer and sometimes I do even make bad swears at him. My officemates always question me about my faith and belief. I can't answer those questions, and I just keep it within me.

Then there came a pounding at my heart during my Kawasan experience. I thought that I was gonna be dead (because I happen to swim at the falls and then I dislocated my shoulders and I was almost drowning and water's trying to pull me inside a cave) but I thought "No Lord!!!" and then I was saved. With that, everything changed. Also with the help of Ira, Velessa and Mushna I feel like I am with His presence. I feel that I want to know him more and see his face. Until now, my doings are just to get to know him better everyday.

Lovelife? Relationship with someone (aside from the Lord)? I think this is the part of my life in which I am so barren. I feel that I am in love with someone right now, but under circumstances the favor's not returned (and I always think that it never will be). Right now I am kinda alarmed because I don't want to destroy friendship (just like what happened to me before). I don't want history to repeat itself. Do you think that I will be single for the rest of my life? I think there's no girl out there who's interested with my life.

But with all this, I am still thankful that He always brighten up my day (actually my night 'coz I am up at nights). I feel light, and I feel warm.

I just hope that my so-called life will be an inspiration to others out there. Some would really laugh at it (I know who you are guys), but this is my so-called life ... BURNING WITH PASSION WITH THE DESIRE IN HIM, SEEKING THINGS ABOUT HIM, TRUSTING HIM, AND OF COURSE ... LOVING HIM!!!!

Mommy Nova ... We Will Miss You

2006-10-03T12:05:00.000+08:00

Our friendship was that strong, our stories are unfathomable
You have my secrets in life, and you have it for eternity
We all wished that we can have you for long, but somehow nature didn't made it so
And we just want to let you know that we will miss you a lot, and you're always in our hearts

Snore

2006-09-28T21:33:00.000+08:00

Snoring is the act of breathing through the open mouth in such a way as to cause a vibration of the uvula and soft palate, thus giving rise to a sound which may vary from a soft noise to a loud unpleasant sound. This most commonly occurs during sleep.

The cause of snoring is some kind of blockage in the breathing passage. Those blockages can be of many kinds—here are just a few:

Tongue falling into the throat
Allergies
Throat weakness causing the throat to close during sleep
Mispositioned jaw, often caused by tension in muscles
Fat gathering in, and around, the throat

When the airflow in the breathing passage becomes irregular due to a blockage the soft palate may start flapping. This flapping of the soft palate is what makes the snoring sound.

Just can't help it .... when I tend to "sleep" at the office I begin to snore (and it's kind of a loud one). I can hear that I did that, and I look at the faces of my officemates who are now laughing at me. At home they say I snore like a cruise ship. OMG! If I have a wife and I snore that hard maybe a divorce will follow.

I think I have the above causes in me. How I wish I can sleep soundly without snoring. They say that you snore because you are tired and stressed (in which I can always say that because I always look tired and I do stress myself), but I think this is because I am fat.

Oh well! A solution: GET A GOOD SLEEP. Don't slack off in work so that you don't feel tired and sleepy. Have a healthy diet, and always keep yourself fit!

Am I dictating or mumbling?

New Found Glory

2006-09-24T20:38:00.000+08:00

Just this morning me and my Dotanian (Warcraft's Defense of the Ancients) friends went to a nearby (but not really) beach just to relax our eyes and enjoy the beach. We brought along food and drinks, and we had a guitar to fill the air with music. All was great on the outing ... we sang, we played a "name-that-other-item" game, we ate and we drank, and we laughed.

Before we went home, we took a dive at the beach. Everything was okay (splashed and splashed with my friends) until the time that we're about to get out of the water I dislocated my left shoulder. Luckily it happened on shore. Noel helped me went out of the water and into our cottage.

I tried returning it back, but I find it hard. This has happened to me for the nth time (I can't count). And guess what??? It was my first time that I took a moment to pray and asked for strength. And after that, viola!

I really can't imagine prayers can do wonders. I am thankful that He's always with us ... and I am thankful that He's always giving me a chance to renew my life. No matter what happens, I am still in my quest ... my quest for Him!!!

Torn

2006-09-17T10:53:00.000+08:00

Sorry guys if it took me long (again) to post in my blog. My PC's going nuts these days.

For this day I am torn between two things:

If I should go to the office and finish a project (and I have two rest days to do that and the project's not that really bad)
Go to Ira's church and watch her play her stuff (and of course attend church - maybe for my 3rd time since last year June)

If I am going to do the first, then there's no way I can do the second for today. If I'll go on the second, then I cannot do the first for today. And if I'll stretch the first tomorrow, I will still lack time doing it (Monday's my Badminton day, and not to include I have a gym session now with some of my officemates).

My mind tells me to follow what I feel. What am I feeling now? I want to watch Ira play with her band and do her stuff, and yes follow my heart. But my evil side taunts me not to go to church. Sam and Jeremy always asks me "Why don't you go to church? What's with the church that you don't want to go?" My "brainy" side tells me to go to the office and finish your work so that you'll get another project (I am short of projects for this quarter).

Where shall my decision go? I haven't decided yet. Follow your heart's desire? Follow your workaholic side's desire?

Am I Weird?

2006-08-08T10:47:00.000+08:00

Val, I don't know if these are weird enough ... but here goes:

1. I find it hard to sleep "silently", for I have a tendency to snore hard (especially if I'm really that tired) and here comes the weird part (my housemates find it weird): I grind my teeth (unhealthy and weird for me).

2. Bob says I can provide an answer to such problems, but leaving the solution abstract. How come? I dunno.

3. I can return my left arm to its proper place when it's not in its proper place (some sort of expertise after being admitted 4 times in a hospital due to shoulder dislocations).

4. I cry when I can hear a nice dialogue in a movie or converse with someone that delivers me good lines (not a "manly" type they say).

5. I'm an avid Good Housekeeping Magazine reader and a buyer of course (and it adds up to my collection of FHM's, UNO mags, T3 and PC Gamer's mags). Most people find me weird when I reply "Good Housekeeping" when asked what's the number 1 magazine I'm always digging on shelves.

6. Ira and Velessa find me as somewhat a "devil's advocate" but somehow I'm just asking for something.

OMG! I'm such a shallow one. I'm tagging Airah, Michi, Aryan, Lica, Mitch, and Maryland.

Randomness From Airah

2006-08-08T10:03:00.000+08:00

Airah had a "randomness" post on her blog, and I'm quite "obliged" to repost (sorry Airah it took me some time to read this - well at least it's not stale for me). The italics are my comments:

1. Respond with something random about you.
-->you rock pat! seriously. ;p
-->Yeah I do! LOLZ! HAHAHA!!!

2. Challenge you to try something.
-->do this tag.. hehe..
-->Well I'm doing this now

3. Pick a color that I associate with you.
-->blue.. :)
-->I like red most

4. Tell you something I like about you.
-->you're really kind.. and you're like a big bro i never had.
-->Well I'm a 198-pound kind guy, mind you

5. Tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
-->last year pa.. you always comment on my posts.. basta,, you're the most consistent non when my blog was just starting.. ;p with all sincerity, thanks! *hugs*
-->But I'm not a stalker (don't ever think about it)

6. Tell you what animal you remind me of.
-->bear?
-->If it's a grizzly bear it's really cool

7. Ask you something I have always wanted to ask you.
-->How's your health na?
-->My health's fine ... I'm sticking with the basics of healthy living

8. Pick a song that reminds me of you.
-->What If God was One of Us by Alanis Morrissette (coz you're somehow spiritual..) :)
-->No comment on this ... hehehe

Well anyways, anyone who would like me to say something "random" about thyself just raise your hand ... ooopppsss .... just say "Aye" as a comment!!!!

Current Life As Seen On The Image

2006-07-22T23:25:00.000+08:00

Looking at the computer monitor you can see that I had been that "focused" over the net (most doesn't log in to the site that I have opened). So sad that I haven't blogged for some time (Our office prevents me, total damnation!) but I mainly lived just by sitting in front of my PC.
My life: Somewhat Boring

Those papers on the table are supposed to be in their proper folders, but somehow as you can see on the binder, it doesn't have space anymore for extra folders to put in.
My life: Somewhat chaotic, and doesn't have time to explore and widen opportunities

There's a coffee mug there (and believe me it's not empty). I am really addicted to coffee and anything that has caffeine. I wanted to stay awake most of the time (especially at work 'coz if I get some sleep I snore so hard). One mug of coffee isn't enough, that's why I have stocks of coffee around me (see them?).
My life: Trying to enjoy a grasp of good life

See that thing at the top of the folder binders? That's a coloring book. Believe me also, it's really barren. There's nothing inside it but I bought it because I wanted to do some kind of "art" in me.
My life: Needs some spice

And finally, I bought Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life just a week ago. I am on day 8 now. I just thought this one last week: "If I were to change for good, I think it doesn't do me harm - and if I can persevere with it, then maybe I can life the good life without fear and depression (a worry-free life)".
My life: Desperate to learn from the past and change for good

Faith And Mission

2006-07-11T20:23:00.000+08:00

Bear with me ... I am soooo lazy at the moment. Sleeping had been my vice as for now (and yehey I seldom drink and barely smoke).

Yesterday I just knew that a friend of mine will be joining a missionary trip to China. I asked her if she's persistent with that and she said "Yes, even if it would take me anything good". I told her "Why? As if you haven't experienced anything good as of now?" and she was speechless by that. I told her that she will miss my birthday, her birthday perhaps, Christmas in her home, or any "good" company outings.

Our conversation lengthened when I felt that I want to cry. She told me it's okay to cry, but I hanged her up. I wanted to cry because I remembered that I had been to missionary trips before when I was still a devout Youth For Christ. I cried because I turned down my friends because I turned down my faith, and my mission as a member of the music ministry of the group. It's good that I have strength now to regain what was lost to me, but for that I still failed my mission (which I don't want to post here).

So what's with my faith? It's good to hear that my friend's so devoted to her faith, while I myself always is a devil's advocate. I had been trying to hide my past, the past which I don't want to turn back. I'm so glad for my friend .... and will always be proud!

Lost ....

2006-06-30T19:21:00.000+08:00

I'm so lost to the blogging world right now. It's because that my PC at home's not functioning (my monitor pissed out for a month now) and still my vendor haven't repaired it yet (grrr). Anyways, as an update .... my friend Arndt was hospitalized because of kidney troubles but I am glad that he's into his fast recovery now. I was in Iligan City last week but I wasn't able to visit my barkada (I didn't tell them that I was on vacation) but I spent my vacation with my family (it was my mom's birthday).

Anyways as a repost, I'd like to post here what I posted at friendster ....

I lost someone who was really dear to me. I don't know if time and space would permit for us to meet again and be friends, but somehow I only see a void on that realization. Jackie had been so dear to me. A time came when we got into a relationship that I thought was bound for a lifetime, but it fuzzed out. I am not her friend now, and I just hope and wish that we'll be friends again. Too bad I have lost someone ...

Test Everything

2006-06-10T17:42:00.000+08:00

You know why I haven't posted for a week? It's because I have an office blooper that I cannot take with in my conscience. I blew up a project for my company, and it's worth a huge amount of money that I can ever imagine off. I can see myself in the droplist of the company. To the fact that they have entrusted me as "one" of the best programmers in the company (they say but it doesn't show) I have a great responsibility of checking all things at hand and make my work near to perfect - and I have failed it. It's really hard to do, but to get rid of bloopers one must attain that work value.

Last week it had been very hard for me. After work, I always end up with a bottle of beer or perhaps a "doseful" of it (if there's such a term). Good thing is that the programming manager that I had been working with these days is very good to me.

Lesson: Test everything. Never assume that you have always done right! No matter what happens, take second, third or maybe up to the nth opinions. As Al Pacino says it in his great movie The Recruit, "EVERYTHING IS A TEST!"

May Fever

2006-06-02T07:46:00.000+08:00

It's really a month that I have not posted anything. I did it on purpose. During the last week of April there's something that directed me not to write on May. Let's just say that this May has been a blogging holiday for me, and as well as a best holiday for me. Below are just some things that happened to me last month:

Health

I always wanted to "reduce" my uber weight, but somehow I'm really stubborn. You know what happened to me? Here it goes. It was sometime the second week of May, and I felt something heavy at the back of my neck. I really thought it was an attack of high-blood pressure. I rested for a day, but on the next day it came again. I cannot work with something that bothers me. So I went to a nearby clinic to check my blood pressure. They say I am normal (120 over 90). For the whole week they say that I am normal. Damn! I called my mom and told her about this. I am afraid that they say I am normal and I feel restless. I asked my officemates and Nova told me that it might be "mild stroke" - and I am pretty scared. I just calmed down and prayed. There's a eureka that came into my mind. I took of my eyeglasses, and for four days the "bad feeling" subdued. So without hesitation, I went to a neuro-opthalmologist and had my dose of check-up. The doctor says I have a "depression" in the eye which is located into the nerve itself (I can't recall all things she told me - it's too "medical" for me). She says that I need it operated, but she gave me 6 months observation. So, I just had my glasses changed and viola, everything went fine, but my mind still thinks of that 6-months observation. And not only that, I still have to get a heart and lungs check from the other doctors to see if I am healthy. DARNS ... now I will forced to have gym sessions.

Work

Now without our boss, everything turned out different. As one of the "team leader" in the programming department, I'm kinda stressed to check out everything that's happening in our crib. Not also to mention, I have to converse to other programming managers in Utah just to update on a certain project and check whether we are to setup it and/or do preliminary data processing. It's kinda busy you know. For the whole month, I feel like I am dragging myself near stress, and for like after 5 hours of work I kinda fell asleep for an hour (that's why I always extend my stay in the office). I promised my boss before he went out that I make a system that would be easy for us to check programs, but until now I only had it 30% done (too many drafts - and I have a feeling that one head cannot do all the thinking).

Friends

Now with the IT peeps of our school near our house, there had been like "drinking sprees" lately. An officemate of ours owns a sizzling place, and after work we go out there to eat and drink (not to mention they have a nice videoke inside). Our DOTA friends too always invites us for DOTA games and drinking sprees after. So it's like EVERYDAY had been a drinking spree for us (unhealthy, isn't it?). I am glad that I have friends here. My life has been boring before, but with them I feel like I am at home.

Family

I am so thankful for my family. They give me strength and encouragement in life. My mom would always say "Patrick you need to save money" and somehow with my health experience I learned a lesson that I should budget everything. Also to mention that I need to organize things because since before, that's the part where I always fail.

Music and Gigs

Wow I cannot imagine that I have seen live Fra Lippo Lippi for just 300 pesos. It's worth the fun listening to old songs in a while with friends. For the month of May it's just that event that I have seen. I cannot imagine Cebu doesn't have "good" gigs this summer compared last year when GMA and ABS were all here, and so are the other "music industry" icons. It's so silent - and the Nipa hut's videoke had been my friendly music gig place!

Movies

I have watched X-men 3 and The Da Vinci Code. Here are my words: X-men 3's dull, and The Da Vinci Code's shallow. I can cry popcorn on X3 (I cannot imagine Cyclops died just by kissing Jean Grey, and Wolverine loves Jean Grey by striking her with his adamantium claws). The Da Vinci Code is somewhat different in the book (that's why I am wondering if it's best to read the book and watch the movie after or is it the other way around). And it's just this month only that I knew that Sir Ian Mckellen's gay (Oh my).

Love Life - Nah let's not talk about it. I'm kinda barren to that.

So that's for the month of May. That month had been nearly "tragic" to me. I thought that I might end up in a hospital, but thank God He have given me much strength to carry on.

And guess what??? I am now enjoying the uber-tech of Nokia N70. Pretty cool!!!

Talk About Bad Luck

2006-04-26T13:02:00.000+08:00

Last April 15 we're supposed to have our Island Hopping event with Proggies/DP's and friends but to my dismay I had pains on the side which restrained me to attend. During the afternoon at that day, I walked from our home to our nearby friendly Internet cafe to join the gang for a DOTA game and I stumbled somewhere down the road, which made me stop by embarrassment and prevented me to attend a badminton game sometime Monday on the next week.

Last Saturday again I stumbled in front of my house. Instead that my left ankle's rejuvenating from disgrace (call it sheer disaster) the situation was kinda worse. Instead of going out with Dante and the rest of the Comp. Eng'g./Comp. Sci. drinking buddies, I just went into the neighborhood and had a party with my kababayans.

The company's sportsfest is nearing, and still I am in no good to play. Darns! Why did this happened to me.

And oh, I got a brand new PC! Woohoo!!!! =)

Image Search

2006-04-17T04:02:00.000+08:00

I was tagged by Airah. The instructions?

1. Choose a search engine.
2. Pick 5 random blogfriends.
3. Think of a word or phrase that you describes each friend.
4. Do an image search of that word or phrase.
5. Pick an image to represent your friend - share it.

This was the image dear Airah posted to represent me. ;p

And now, I'm tagging Katrine, Sealdi, Russ, Major Tom and Jeremy.


Katrine	Sealdi	Russ	Major Tom	Jeremy

Happiness

2006-04-09T05:24:00.000+08:00

Jeremy left a dazzling question on his blog:

Are we happy with what we do and who we are?

No matter how we say we are contented with life, we still have the option to get back what we say. The definition of living is really that vast that we cannot grasp it. Most people say "I am contented with my life and I am happy" with a greatful heart and they are absolute with it. Some say that to be able to satisfy happiness one has to dive into unfathomable seas and climb Mount Everest in order to say that life is at its peak.

For now I am still working as a systems programmer in a research company and manipulating databases is my field of work. As a regular day routine I just go to the office and after I render 8 hours of work I go home and read something (may it be a book or a magazine). I just tinkle with the PC at home (playing MMORPG's or blogging or tinkling over the Internet) and if I am hungry I go out on a food trip (may it be me alone or with a friend).

Am I happy with what I do? SORT OF. But honestly I am not. This wasn't my lifestyle way back in college (where I sleep all day and party all night). I'm kinda bored as of the moment. What was added right now is that I am facing a "love-crisis" with a heart so stubborn (with an external carapace and a craggy exterior). What I wanted to do in life is just to be a "programmer by day, performer by night". I really like to play the guitars and be on gigs and event (I know most musicians are underpaid but for me I can consider it 'coz I like it). Check this out: After work I rush out to a nearby restobar and play guitars in front of people and then go out with your girl with a merry heart. Isn't it a nice thing to do?

Who am I? Well, I am just the Patrick most people knew. Am I happy with my being? Well definitely YES I am happy because I am trickyboy, the trickmeister who's willing to give anything just for the sake of his love ones.

Good luck to everyone .... may all find true happiness!

P.S. I just pressed ALT+TAB (and I am playing KnightOnline).

The Graduate

2006-04-06T20:10:00.000+08:00

After 6 years in college (and finishing BS Computer Engineering) at last I was declared as a graduate!

At last I am now back in Cebu and oh well back to work again!

Thanks Airah for this wonderful template. I don't have time to "edit" some of the parts yet (still tired from the boat trip).

To all my college mates, thank you for the wonderful experience I had with you guys. I will surely miss our days (from our overnight studies to food trips to drinking sprees).

Office-Leave-Blooper

2006-03-24T11:58:00.000+08:00

Patrick, after a tiring day (night actually) from work, went to the HR office to file his leave-of-absence due to his scheduled graduation which will be on April 3. Since Patrick wanted to make his vacation long enough so that he can relax, he thought of filing his leave starting March 28. So he approached Adelfa and asked for instructions on how to file his leave.

Patrick: Hi Adelfa!
Adelfa: Hi Patrick!
Patrick: Can you help me fill out my application for a leave-of-absence (after almost a year of not filing it)?
Adelfa: Sure! You just need to fill up the bottom portion of the form under the "NO-PAY LEAVE".
Patrick: Thanks Adelfa!

*Patrick fills out the leave-of-absence form while Adelfa went out elsewhere*

Patrick: Where could have Adelfa went?

*Charmaine enters the room*

Patrick: Hi Charmaine! Can I leave this leave-of-absence form to you because Adelfa went out and I do need to go home now 'coz I am very tired.
Charmaine: Sure! Let me see it.

*Patrick hands over the form. Charmaine reviewed it*

Charmaine: I'm sorry Patrick, but you need to have Carlos sign this one out to confirm your leave.
Patrick: Carlos will be out of office up until next week.
Charmaine: Who's next with Carlos?
Patrick: Can I sign the leave myself? I am next to him.
Charmaine: That can't be. Can you file it online?
Patrick: I don't know how to file it online.
Charmaine: You're a programmer and you don't know how to file it?
Patrick: I never had browsed the site that you're talking about.
Charmaine: Grab a seat!

*Patrick sat on Adelfa's chair while Charmaine prepares the site*

Charmaine: All you need to do is just to fill this one out correctly.

*Patrick fills out the form. He scratched his head afterwards*

Patrick: Is there a problem with the system? I can't press the CONTINUE button.
Charmaine: Let me see ... *looks at the application form*
Charmaine: It's because you need to file this one out 7 days before your date of leave.
Patrick: Geez! I never knew that policy. What shall I do?
Charmaine: I think you need to go to Chris upstairs and have him sign this one out.

*Patrick goes upstairs, panting. He went inside Chris's office*

Patrick: Good morning Chris!
Chris: Hey Patrick! What can I do for you?
Patrick: Chris, Carlos is not in his office today up until next week. Jon could not also have his signature here because he's not here of course. HR told me that you will be the one to sign this one out for me.

*Chris looks at the application*

Chris: I'm sorry Patrick, but I cannot sign this one out. You should have approached me 7 days before your date of leave.
Patrick: But I have no one to have it signed. We already talked to Jon and he has approved it, but to my dismay we just discussed it on a personal chat program.
Chris: Then have Jon call me.

*Patrick calls Jon by his cellular phone. They talked blah shu*
*Patrick called Carlos and told him about the situation, now holding his application for leave-of-absence*
*Chris enters the room and grabbed the piece of paper that Patrick held and signed it and returned it to Patrick. Chris then left*

Patrick (shouting): NOOOOO ... this isn't my application! He signed Carlos' application, not mine!

SILLY!

1-Week PitStop: Iligan City

2006-03-23T19:07:00.000+08:00

Just 3 days left and I will be in Iligan City for my "GRADUATION". At last, I can walk the isle like by batchmates last year and the other year as well!

And oh, I am thankful for Globelines that they had given me a 512 broadband connection (and I was wondering because my application was only at 384)

Do you think I'm stupid ....

2006-03-20T22:13:00.000+08:00

.... because I am reading books from Elizabeth Elliot, Joshua Harris, Mitch Albom, and Paulo Coelho?
.... because I am trying hard to be busy with work?
.... because I am so nostalgic (and I really hate new and cheesy songs)?
.... because I am eating only from 6AM to 6PM (and that's two meals only), trying to get myself into shape (in which I need to lessen out 70 pounds just to get my BMI into balance)?
.... because I am twisted in ways that I still have questions with religion and with God?

.... and ....

.... because I fell in love with someone?

Do you think I'm so stupid these days????

Fear Of Failure

2006-03-13T14:03:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had a fear of failure? If you do, what failure are you fearing at? If you don't have, how did you overcome (or how did you prevent) that failure?

Right now, I fear courting someone. It's not because I haven't recovered yet from my previous girlfriend (and I am so good now) but it's because of lifestyle differences. Imagine this one: I am a happy-go-lucky guy, one who splurges on anything that interests me, goes out to parties (may it be drinking sprees to nature trips) and is always hooked-up with the PC just for relaxation, and not to mention that I act like a devil's advocate. The girl that I fear courting is someone who's really religious, gives out anything just for the sake of attending a core-group bible study, she's someone who gave up "bad" doings, and she's someone sweet.

I always imagine that if I have to "be with her" then I should give up on my current "doings". I asked some people and they say that I should. For them, this will be my opportunity for renewal, and I should grab the opportunity. I myself, I am somewhat downed that I might miss out my very self.

Since Saturday, I was with the "girl-that-I-fear-courting". We had a Nature-trip outing together with my officemates and some friends at Kawasan Falls. With the two days that I have spent with her (and with the group as well) I kinda have thought that I really should get rid now of my "bad doings". The bad thing is that I am still not determined, and people now are forcing me to take it. I just told them "I fear failure".

This fear of failure still haunts me now. How I wish I can overcome this one so that I can continue. To be honest, right now my thoughts are just about the girl, I have goose bumps (not to mention that it's cold in here) and my heart's really occupied, because of that girl.

From John Lennon To Joey De Leon

2006-03-08T22:28:00.000+08:00

Lately I am really troubled. First, I was so ashamed that I haven't got it on time to send a package to my brother in Canada because I was so exhausted at work (and eventually woke up late to send it to his landlord who's returning to Canada). Second, I still have to think of what am I going to explain to my boss that I should be home in Iligan City to attend my graduation exercises (HOORAY) and on how long will I file an office leave. Third is that I now weigh 205 pounds (that's over-obese based on body-mass index) and I am following the food pyramid Jeremy provided me (actually her girlfriend has a dietitian relative) which is very very hard to follow (imagine I eat less). Fourth is that I still haven't managed my time to make that proposed business of ours with Pepe (since I dig up at bed after a day's work).

But I am still happy because even though I am troubled I have personal reasons that life should go on (despite all hindrances). The way to live a good life is to live it with a purpose, and forget your worries for the rest of your day (Hakuna Matata).

A product of renewal
Be Happy

Tinkadoodling

2006-02-25T12:17:00.000+08:00

Lately I have been very very lazy. Lifestyle's just to hang out at home and/or a nearby Internet Cafe just for leisure after a day's work. The very bad thing is that I don't have a mobile phone (I am heavy enough to break it) and I am wondering if someone wanted to call me and/or give me a message (which I really doubt receiving it).

I think most people know me as NOT A GOOD ARTIST but somehow this is my first "mouse-free" drawing ever (thanks to Lica for her tinkadoodling scratchpad).

I know I am a bad artist =)

Valentines Manifesto

2006-02-14T20:02:00.000+08:00

A mother's love simply surpasses all .... and that's enough said! A manifesto that I have grasped all my life .... and that's to love my mom always and forever.

Happy valentines day to you my mom. May you bring love and happiness for all of us. We always care for you!

Happy Valentines day to all.

Living Not Like An Ant

2006-02-13T21:02:00.000+08:00

Have you seen or thought of how ants lived? (Not really sure) They live with direction. Everthing that they do connects to everthing an ant was deemed for.

As of now, I am living of a life somewhat "desperately wanting" but somehow I really don't get the satisfaction that I need. Many say that I live a life of contentment but somehow deep inside me I still feel that there's no such spice in my life.

This afternoon I was out with the data processing gang and we toured Jacob to some various places in Cebu. Along with us also was Sam and Ira (the so-so gal as they say) and we talked about life and the ventures that we are supposed to embrace. They say that I should be happy with my current life, get over with the past, and move on to what the future might give me. Somehow I just said "I'm happy" but I should bite that one out.

Being happy doesn't always mean that you're contented. Being happy really means that inside and out you give the best out of everything and have faith that you will really get the best out of everything.

Oh geez .... emotion galore again!

A Little Space For Madness

2006-02-07T16:21:00.000+08:00

I was terribly too late for the news but somehow I am extending my condolences to the bereaved family on the stampede incident of "Wowowee".

So who will be blamed here? The showman itself (Willy) who I think explained to the people that he has no control over the crowd that pushed their way in the event? How about ABS-CBN? Are they blamed because of the lacking manpower to control such stampedes? Are people blamed for being such "free-tickets-easy-money-mongering" and not thinking that what they will be doing might hurt the others too?

I am deeply touched with this one. Those wandering souls are wondering what could have happened, and if they ever will get justice on the incident.

Let's just all hope that this case will be settled before everything's too late.

Never Gone

2006-02-05T14:10:00.000+08:00

After almost a month away from blogosphere, I really would declare that I was "Never Gone".

I am glad that for a year starter there are things which are new to me.

We have moved into an apartment cozy enough for our needs(goodbye to our rabbithole)
I finally had something to give for my family (despite that I am bitter to not have something for my family last Christmas)
It has been declared that I am a regular employee in the company
I was appointed as team leader of the night-shift programming team

For now, we (Pepe and Sam) are hoping that we'll be successful in our planned "geeky group". It's really not easy to live a life full of "seriousness" but somehow I was stunned that the development that I have really "slowed off" those drinking sessions.

As for "love life", I think my heart's stony right now. With the current happenings I really don't have time to get into a relationship.

As for blogging, DAMN I REALLY MISS MY LINKAGES! Anyways, I'm back now and good grief I was never gone.

Hiatus Mode

2006-01-10T10:01:00.000+08:00

I will be like in AFB mode (away from blogging) for this week. I really have things to reflect and contemplate. Next week I'll share to you something which I wanted to share like years ago. It has been too long and I just want to burst it out and let it go!

And oh, it's nearing SINULOG here in Cebu! Tara na .... Yugyugan Na!

Acoustica Moments

2006-01-07T21:14:00.000+08:00

WOLFGANG

I Definitely Miss Them And Their Gigs

Caffeine Misconceptions

2006-01-06T11:07:00.000+08:00

I had been working on a research center and basically it had been observed that most of my fellow officemates couldn't live a day without sipping coffee (I think only Ryan and Jeremy are caffeine-free in our crib). I myself consume like 2-3 mugs of coffee a day. Sam consumes coffee at the office, at home, and even on the road. On soda, I am satisfied when I can have just one for the day. Stephen is really a soda-junkie.

Soda and coffee have caffeine in it (I can bump Sam and Stephen's head). Literally they say that they drink either of it just to stay awake and go on with everyday's work. I get myself a mug of coffee when I get sleepy at work, but I cannot really imagine why I get sleepy when I drink soda.

"Using caffeine to stay awake when you are not getting enough sleep is a poor idea. There is no evidence that caffeine reverses the effects of sleep deprivation. It’s not a reliable aid for students burning the midnight oil. And absolutely don’t trust it to keep you out of trouble behind the wheel of a car. The best treatment for sleep deprivation is sleep."
Harvard Health Publications

That's the very thing that I was shocked, and that's the reason why I feel like I'm having withdrawal syndromes when I cannot have caffeine in my body for a day. As it speaks, the very best solution for sleepy heads is just to sleep if they feel sleepy.

But even though it's really not advisable that coffee and/or soda to be a jumpstart for a day, but somehow it's great to have a cup of coffee with friends!

2006 Jumpstart

2006-01-05T12:10:00.000+08:00

Damn I haven't updated my blog for almost a month. Maybe I really was busy during the holidays. As a jumpstart, 2005 was really a dramatic year for me. As you can see on the other posts that I had been so dramatic on broken relationships and plentiful self-bloopers. Not to mention also that the year had been fruitful because I became an employee and ended school life (which for now I still want to be one).

From December 24 up to January 2 restless conversations with friends and family were the occasions, not to mention drinking sprees and food trips. Highschool reunion was not so good because our batch was divided into three groups, and bad for me I was drunk infront of the "geeky" group (as they say .... and I acted as an expectator on someone's narration). DOTA games were abundant (damn Iliganon players are really good but I really hate early quitters).

For now I am really thinking of making 2006 a more "fruitful" one. Pepe was planning something also for the year, and it's a good thing that we share the common interest. We already have plans but we will still keep it up to ourselves. 2005 is a great experience for me, even though as I have counted the experiences during that year it really is a "dramatic" one.

Also, I really hope I can be that up-to-date on blogs! HAHAHA!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!!

Hiking Exercise

2005-12-17T12:56:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I went to SM City Cebu to get tickets for our way back to Iligan City for the Christmas vacation. As I went to the traveler's lounge, I was surprised to see too many people waiting outside. I myself got like 5 minutes to get inside and have a look at the available boat schedules. I got a #62 priority number. I looked up the priority screen and saw #90. It's still too long to wait so I went out and headed my way to the mall. I just strolled and bought something worthwhile for me (thanks to the 13th month pay, HAHAHA). After an hour I went back to the traveler's lounge. The priority screen printed #42. I thought it's worth a wait, so I waited. At #45, the security guard went near me and asked me if I am getting tickets from Gothong Lines and I said "Yes" and then to my dismay he said that there will be no more issuing of Gothong Line tickets since they ran out of stubs. Darns! I got outside and waited for Jeremy to arrive at Bo's Coffee. Jeremy arrived at about 4:30PM and then we headed out to another ticket station and got tickets. We strolled at the mall and then we decided to go home at 6PM.

At 6PM we got out of the mall. To our surprise, it's raining and then there are too many people at the Van-For-Hire terminal. We decided to get a taxi. Again to our dismay, too many people are rushing to get a vacant one. Dratz! We went far away from the mall so that we can get a vacant taxi first. Again to our dismay there were too many people. We walked from SM city up to Mabolo to get a taxi, but still there were too many people. So we decided to go back to SM and just get a public jeepney. Still we don't have luck. We decided again to take a hike up to Ayala, and to our luck we just got a taxi just before we got in to the other mall. Damn it took us 2.5 hours just to get a ride home.

That was sheer exercise. Whew! At home, I just mixed the island lime with gin and then we feasted on it! HAHAHA!

Time Lapse

2005-12-10T16:22:00.000+08:00

Open Your Mind

Not Like This

Cheers for MSU-IIT - They bagged the 2005 Trend Micro Challenge

2005-12-06T08:30:00.000+08:00

Hooray for MSU-IIT! They really got the 1 million pesos challenge by Trend Micro. Honestly, I envy them not because of the money but because of the experience. Sana naging estudyante pa ako at sana ako rin ang nandun sa competition (BWAHAHAHAHA).

As you can view it on iBalita forums, there had been talks on their title, but I was dismayed by the reaction of most "forum mainstayers". THEY REALLY WERE THINKING THAT THOSE STUDENTS WE'RE AIMING FOR THE POT MONEY BUT NOT FOR THE CHALLENGE AND EXPOSURE.

People, try not to jump into conclusions, will you? It's not because the POT money was really that big, just don't get yourself be hooked up with the conclusion that MONEY WILL ALWAYS BE A REASON FOR EVERYTHING. It could be prestige, exposure, challenge, opportunity, but it's not always money. Try to ask first peeps!!!!

Regularization

2005-12-01T06:48:00.000+08:00

It has been too long. Hiatus prevented me to visit my blog. But oh well, here I am again.

Today marks the very first day of December 2005. Only 24 days to go and then we celebrate Christmas. Before I could embrace the spirit of Christmas, there is one thing in which I should embrace for now.

Most employees on companies (I will just say MOST) undergo 6 months of training. With this 6 months, one must do their stuff in order for them to earn praises from their boss/bosses, and for them to get their regularization status in a company.

To make all things short I am in my 6th month in Western Wats. I feel scared because I might not get that. I think positive, but I have swirling thoughts in mind. With such too many bloopers that I have encountered during my 6 months training I really would think negative about my work.

How I wish I can get that regularization.

Health Needed

2005-11-20T17:07:00.000+08:00

Mom always tells me to take care of my health because our family have no idea if I got some thyroid problems. As they say, maybe I have hypothyroidism. Way back my highschool up to 2nd year in college, I used to be so thin and I only weigh like 115 pounds. I was stunned that I got to reach 205 pounds on my 3rd year in college. Now I'm in 175.

At Iligan City I really don't have fever, colds, headaches, and the likes. What I have are just accidents. Right now I feel so bad because for 2-3 weeks I can have fever and colds. The worst part is that my left shoulder's really sore. My problem is that I don't want to take medication because maybe these can just be cured by "normal" means. And to take the worse of everything, I am now so FAT.

Last night I feel bad because of hyperacidity. I can hardly sleep, and there was no one inside to get me some medication for Jeremy fell asleep because of hyperacidity also. I also thought that it's the end of everything. The worse part is that I can barely move because if I move, it will just worsen the situation. I tried to sleep but I really can't. But maybe I just fell asleep because I was really tired and I was awake for almost 26 hours.

This morning I just woke up and was very happy because I AM STILL ALIVE. As you might notice I feel like if I have just a sickness it's like the end of the world. It's only just because I never had experienced sickness in my life.

So anyone care to give me good health tips?

Originals And Revivals

2005-11-18T09:08:00.000+08:00

Now it has been my routine to watch MTV before I sleep on my mornings. It's the only channel that has a "clear" output from our TV (I wonder when will I fix our TV antenna). Right now I have this very cravings for Pinoy Rock and Alternative music, and now come also the Emo and Indies. From the oldies to the newest band that hit the charts today I really am an avid listener to the genres I listed above. At this point, the music scene's really a blast, because there had been many rising stars and rocking bands that made it to the industry.

Last time, I missed the Y-speak episode regarding original and revival music. I wonder what Sugarfree has to say against MYMP. For me, I really appreciate the originals. I REALLY HATE REVIVALS. If I were to rate "Pinoy Pop" it really sucks big time. Like for instance Sarah Geronimo (frankly speaking you sing very well but the notion of revivals really pushed you down) has this video in which she revived a song and then she was declared as the Digital Diva.

My Goodness! Don't you guys compose your own songs? The "Originals" really sweat out just to compose that, and they (some of them) don't get the credits as much as the "reviving artists" does. And again, it's a shame to the music industry. Many local bands are composing their own music, and even paid much just to get a recording. Geez!

I Thought I Was Dead

2005-11-07T13:34:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday was really a breath-taking day. I really thought that my life would end there. Honestly by that day I really tried to enjoy myself because the thought of being dead was really in my mind.

Starting the day that I worked as a nightshift programmer in the company, I just spend 1 or 2 hours of sleep a day except on weekends that I sleep even over 10 hours. Since then, I had this insomnia with me. I drink like 5 to 6 mugs of coffee a day, smoke like half a pack a day, drink plenty of Coke, eat "unwise" food, drink beer until I drop on weekends, and no exercise.

After going out with Rizza last Saturday, I went to the room and tried myself to get a good sleep. I felt that I am numb and poison begins to flow on my bloodstream. My head is very hot, and my neck is in pain. I couldn't move, and I just lied on my bed with my eyes open, unable to blink. I can hear the voices of my roomies, but I cannot talk. I wanted to tell them to get me to the hospital, but I can't. I just lied as if I am half-dead. What I did was I tried to close my eyes and I just prayed.

By Sunday morning, I hear rain drops on our roof. THANK GOODNESS! I jumped out of bed and saw my roomies up and stared at me as if I am from nowhere. I exclaimed "I'm still alive?" THANK GOODNESS! By that instant also I knew that they are going to church, so I just dressed up and went with them. At church, I really cried hard. I cried because I wanted good things to happen to me. I cried also because I wanted to take the challenge for myself to really change for good. I cried also because I wanted to forget all the bad things which happened into my life, and I cried because I was given hope. Sam patted me at the back and asked me if I'm alright, and I said "Yes I am."

I thought I was dead .... but I AM ALIVE! THANK GOODNESS!

Forgiveness

2005-11-04T07:44:00.000+08:00

In my silence I would love to forget
But restitution hasn't come quite yet
And with one accord I keep moving forth
I stretch my heart to heal some more
Collective Soul

Deeply I am still troubled to the fact that Jackie is avoiding me. I don't want to show much details here, but I cannot fathom the thought that I wasn't forgiven. I keep on telling myself that I have to get over it, but I can't. My mind's always made up that I don't want anyone to include me in their enemy list. I cannot help it.

So here it is, just like a LOST AND FOUND report .... how I wish someone could extend out to her (whoever knows her) that I am REALLY SORRY.

Politics And God

2005-11-04T07:16:00.000+08:00

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:13

Lately I have watched the country's current news and events. There are several chants of "Gloria Resign" in the air. Massive demonstrations and rallies are rampant. Debates were flowing freely, and most people are on to polls in order to participate in this so-called political crisis.

Of all "events" I am really sick of watching prayer rallies. Too many personalities abuse the usage of the word "GOD" (or "LORD"). Many use them in a sentence structure like "Bahala na si Lord na siya ang magpatalsik kay Gloria" or like "Ang kanyang katapusan ay binibilang na ni Lord". Most use these lines as their deep constructs on current events today. I wonder if they do have good arguments on their moves for Gloria's ouster. I am not giving my side on the current political crisis. I am not also an atheist.

And guess what? Peace offerings? I wonder if the money they have gathered on their prayer rallies (if I'm not mistaken) would lead to something worthwhile for their ouster campaigns. Geez .... let's be transparent people!

Business, Anyone?

2005-11-02T05:06:00.000+08:00

Have you got a feeling that you are very eager to work, energetic, full of ideas, and wears a smile on your face?

Right now, I am thinking of ways to get out of the "after-work-boredom". After work I go to sleep and then when I wake up I just fix myself and go to the office to work. Pretty boring, isn't it?

Last Sunday, Pepe and Lawrence accompanied me to have coffee and beer at Hapjaps in Ayala. We were thinking of utilizing our time after work. We decided to create a business, but the problem is we really don't know. What the three of us dig is web business. For me, the Web is really saturated with consumers. So basically, we can earn while we learn if we can get the gold out of our diggings.

*Blah Blah Blah .... and the conversation goes*

So what's good to indulge? I have many wacky ideas, but my problem is when and how to start ... HAHAHA!!!!

Many Thanks

2005-10-26T23:30:00.000+08:00

For all those who greeted on my birthday via SMS, Email, Friendster messages, and even hops into my blogosphere - A million thanks!

Also to Carlos for being the host for the celebration. To my fellow programming mates and as well as to the data processing ladies - Thanks for sharing your time.

My birthday bash is unusual for this year. I really spend my birthdays on drinking sprees - but not this year. FOOD TRIP!

For 23 years, I have learned to be strong, to think and analyze, to socialize with people, and to cherish people and events. Even though there were mistakes, the expected and unexpected, somehow life goes on.

23 YEARS

2005-10-25T04:38:00.000+08:00

Thank goodness! I AM 23 YEARS OLD NOW. For the 23 years that I have spent on Earth, there are still things which I need to grasp, things such as goals and expectations that would bring my life to the fullest. As with what my highschool friends' motto says, "When all your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed." I haven't dreamt of any, but somehow I am still hoping that my wishes will be granted.

With this year's birthday of mine, there's one plan that went off. That plan was to spend my 23rd birthday with someone, but so sad to say and to know that "that someone" maybe will not brighten up my day, especially MY VERY DAY. Somehow, I am still greatful that I still have others to lean on, laugh on things and shed on something. But how I wish that "that someone" will just pop out and forgive me for everything. That's the only gift that I wanted in my birthday today.

I really hoped of having a different kind of birthday. I just can remember my birthday last year when Bob gave me a cupcake with a candle while we were busy making our "wild" project. It was that very day also that we are to defend that "wild" project of ours. It meant that during that time I haven't slept the whole day, but I was lucky to survive that day, and it brought me wonders. How I wish this year's birthday of mine will bring me wonders far more better than the previous one.

So .... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY .... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

*GULP GULP GULP GULP*

Comparison

2005-10-19T10:04:00.000+08:00

The Last Year Me

This Year Me

23/5

2005-10-18T13:04:00.000+08:00

It's not like 24/7, isn't it? Hehehe! Anyways, this was Lica's game, so I just tagged along!

So, here are the instructions:
1. Go to your archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Post the fifth sentence or closest to it.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same thing.

And for me .... "Worst of all, since I was out from a trip in Cebu, I missed 7 plates and 2 activities." (Hmmm! I wanted it to be somewhat a quote though .... Hehe!!!!)

And I tag .... Yang, Lanee, Sealdi, Katrine, and Jey.

The New Programming Crib

2005-10-18T11:45:00.000+08:00

Ain't this a spacious crib?

Vacation and Thoughts (Part III)

2005-10-18T11:31:00.000+08:00

It had been days that I haven't posted the third part of my Vacation and Thoughts. I spent the whole weekend being a couch-potato and a DotA Allstars game fanatic.

Anyways to continue, the third day was the wedding day of Cesar and Sweet. Upon arrival at church, I met my highschool friends. We just focused ourselves on Cesar's wedding and then we talked and talked after the wedding. I am surprised to see my highschool friends who does have careers now. Of all my highschool buddies that I have met at the wedding, Rez was the frontman of them all. After the wedding we headed off to the reception area and then just ate and ran afterwards and with Rez we spent the afternoon with a toast of Red Horse Beer.

We talked and talked with Rez and I was stunned that he's one of the participants in the spyware and virus contest sponsored by TrendMicro (Uniksboy, tama ba? hehehe). And I really can't believe that his college project (along with Erickson) will be presented a week after (that's this Thursday). With all the gimiks he still managed to get all his goals intact. I asked him how and he just says that determination is the key. You must never let go of it or else everything that you planned from the start will be a total waste. Don't let the shits stop you from building your goals, 'coz if you do you'll end up in deep shit.

After the drinking spree with Rez, he went off (he has an exam afterwards) and it's perfect timing that Mark arrived and we headed off at Johnard's crib and we went out on the evening for dinner, had coffee afterwards, and enjoyed a nice DotA Allstars game.

So what's for that day? Well the above statements from Rez really caught my attention. As a matter of fact, I am trying to keep away from the shits now slowly but surely. Mind me with my bad words, but I was just getting off the bad feeling of having an ofice blooper again for the day. Damn!

Vacation and Thoughts (Part II)

2005-10-15T00:39:00.000+08:00

On my second day, I wanted to visit Johnard and the gang and have a party at blast. I don't know the place yet, so I just went off to a nearby Internet Cafe and see if I can play DotA AllStars. At the cafe, I saw Maya playing. I really thought my friends are not into it. So I played and played and as I was about to leave it rained hard. So I went back and played for an hour again. After that, I ask Johnard for directions and eventually arrived at their place.

I was stunned to see their house. It's somewhat spacious and they just rented it for a cheaper price than the previous one. Upon arrival, I saw Jemer, Anne, Yancy, Hazel, Anton, Jonathan, Paulini, and Luis. We just had chats and chats and chats. I was surprised to see Anne pregnant. Also, Jemer had some students of his in their house (too bad for us we're very noisy there).

So again we just did chats and chats and chats. I ordered a case of Red Horse beer and bought some pulutan and smokes as well and then the night was set for us. I messaged Mark, Maya, Luigi, and Arndt but only Maya arrived to be with us with the drinking spree.

So what's for that day? I just learned that even though you're really that pre-occupied you do still need to expand your time for other opportunities. As to what Jemer was doing, he's earning money from sideline programming jobs, and with that enhances his programming skills as well. I do know that by that night I wasted my night for some drinking spree, but on the long run I must look forward to utilize my time too. We really should utilize our time on worthwhile things.

High And Dry With The Rule Of Seven

2005-10-12T09:45:00.000+08:00

Sealdi tagged me with this, and I'll gonna post my choices. These are the songs that I can sing out whenever I feel that I'm in deep shit.

The Warmth - Incubus

"So don't let the world bring you down ...."

Pardon Me - Incubus

"Pardon me while I burst into flames. I had enough of the world, and its people's mindless games ....

My Stupid Mouth - John Mayer

"My stupid mouth has got me in trouble. I said too much again ...."

Angels Or Devils - Dishwalla

"Are there angels or devils crawling here? I just want to know what blurs and what is clear to see ...."

Break Me Shake Me - Savage Garden

"I never thought I’d change my opinion again but you moved me in a way that I’ve never known ...."

The Day You Said Goodnight - Hale

"She's already taken ...."

Crawling In The Dark - Hoobastank

"I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer ...."

Vacation and Thoughts (Part I)

2005-10-12T01:17:00.000+08:00

I am now back at the office. For such few days that I have visited Iligan City, there are many things that came into my mind. I will just write my daily reflections during those days. DAMN how I miss Iligan again.

Thursday (October 6) is where my mom and family was shocked of my presence. It's like "Patrick, is that you?" For the whole morning that I was home, we just talked and talked about my life and my family's life. There were many things in which I have missed, from gossips to breath-taking news. Mom also did scold me because she saw my grades and was surprised to see subjects with a grade of 5.

During the afternoon, I payed the MSU-IIT Computer Center people a visit. We talked and talked while feasting spaghetti inside the office. Uniksboy handed me a copy of his students' thesis, and it reminded me that I was once a student, and I envy these students now that they are very serious with it (with all the timelines for the project).

After paying a visit at school, I hurried off to the Public Market to play badminton with PJ. We played for an hour and after that we dined at Tita Fannies (I miss their liempo) and was surprised to see Kulay. I talked to Kulay why Fe failed to pass the EE board exams, and I was stunned to hear that they broke up (so sad). After dining with PJ, I hurried home to join my family in a little gathering. We talked and talked and talked on everything that we could think of.

At 9PM I called Jeffrey and told him to meet me for a Frozen Throne DotA Allstars game. We played up until 12AM and we went to Caltex to suit ourselves with a cold Red Horse Beer.

So what were my thoughts for the day? Events for that day tells me that I should have a good organization. I should be orderly on things, and I should be on time with schedules. Having leisure time is good, but sometimes we must limit them so that we can have time for studying or doing worthwhile. Also, I should think of my family more than I think of myself. I have been preoccupied these days, and I should have time calling them and giving them their needs, like payback time.

Not Again The Office Blooper

2005-10-05T06:54:00.000+08:00

Have you got any idea how would you feel when someone's frustrated on you?

A document was sent to me at 3AM, and the programming needs to be finished by 4AM. Looking at the document and the electronic mail that was sent to me, I can really finish it by 30 minutes. I finished it and then uploaded the program. Before I uploaded it I did some minor changes since I was doubting at some of the codes that I did. After a few minutes, my boss asked me why did I changed my codes, and with all the blah shu's and stuff. Then his extro message was "I am very frustrated by now."

His words really pounded me. It's like that I blew things up and screwed up my work efficiency. Nothings really wrong with me, I really swear. I am still in total control of myself. I talked to Carlos about this, on the events that happened in my workstation. He told me that I should be extra careful next time, and he advised me that "You should have a conditioned heart to motivate you on your work." I am to accept that, and I should condition myself to have that described heart.

Maybe it's that I need to reflect on things, and seek out my inner self. I really hope my leave at my workstation for the next couple of days would really help me seek out the very ME.

Adulthood And Responsibilities

2005-10-04T09:55:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday I was shocked when I opened my friendster account and saw a message from Cesar that reads "Trick, Sweet and I would like to invite you in our wedding this October 8. I hope you'll be there to witness our day." It has been 9 years that I last attended a wedding. This one's different, because Cesar was my friend and a classmate of mine in high school.

Reading Ala's blog would really tell me that I am an adult already. Many of my highschool batchmates have their own family already, have kids, have a stable job, and have lived their lives to the fullest. It's like on fairy tales that they lived happily ever after.

I was so glad to hear from Cesar and that I accepted the invitation. So I'll be in Iligan City for Cesar's wedding. I had a chance to meet Rez again and do stuffs that we normally do back on my college days, but with a different aspect and a different conversation flow. I am an adult but still young at heart.

To my friends who are adults now, live your lives to the fullest for yourself and for those you love. Cling on to your dreams and aspirations, and may you succeed on your endeavors. We have responsibilities now, and we must stick to it.

Mr. Fantastic

2005-10-01T02:28:00.000+08:00

It was too late for me to watch the Fantastic 4 movie. I wasn't able to watch it on bigscreen since at that time I was worried of my budget (because of the drinking sprees). So now I have watched it at home (Yipee! It's good to have an entertainment showcase at home). What I am to babble here is that I envy Mr. Fantastic. I don't envy his power to stretch, but I envy him because of his brains.

Lately I am doing my BASIC javascript course. BASIC in the sense that it's my first time to do a "real" project. It has been a week now and I still haven't completed my first exercise. I cannot think well, and still I lack the determination to push through with the learning. I used to be a fast-learner (not to brag but I am) but why on earth I cannot finish my project? It's like a slap on my face that I have taken my college years for granted. This wasn't taught in school, but maybe the time that I spent in college was totally a waste. For now, it shows that I am still "unprepared" for work.

Right now I feel like I'm a paranoid. I feel that in the programming team that I belong I am the slow poke, I am the slow-thinker. In short, I am a disgrace to the team. I don't want to be such. But as I entered the company, I am very aware that my work preferences would be different to what I would expect. Different field would mean that I should get out of my boundaries and explore more. The problem is that I still haven't set this goal.

I feel strong now, but still I need the power. I don't want to be like Dr. Doom that needs power to control everything. I want to be Mr. Fantastic that needs power to control thyself.

For everyone, make good use of your capabilities. Don't waste it, and don't use your capabilities in hurting others but use it for the betterment of all!

Statement Contradictions

2005-09-29T06:49:00.000+08:00

What's sexy for you?

We had a conversation with Mark, Richelle, Dawn and Lauren on "being sexy". I was stunned that on our conversations, it turned out that one statement in which toppled by another will eventually have a statement that contradicts to what they stand. Got it? Here's a citation:

Me: What's sexy for you?
Someone: Someone's sexy for me when he has the brains. Physical views are just taunts that for a certain time it will lose its "definition".
Me: So is Piolo Pascual sexy?
Someone: Physically yes he is really sexy.
Me: So it contradicts to what you said that physical views doesn't matter?
Someone: Well, after all I don't know him much, that's why I find him sexy on that aspect.

See? Even with a conversation like that really tells us that there are instances that we can't support our argument and eventually contradict it whenever you try to taunt someone. It's pretty obvious nowadays that people tend to shift themselves from their views of life so as to "fit". Even me, I have views in which I cannot support and eventually change my views once I am being tested.

Geez, it's pretty long (a week) that I haven't posted a blog. A hypothesis can be formulated that having an entertainment showcase at home (like TV/DVD) could really make you lazy on things and just be a couch-potato. Gosh!

Pit Señor Iligan City

2005-09-29T06:46:00.000+08:00

PIT SEÑOR ILIGAN CITY!

Damn! I am here in Lapulapu City, and for the first time in my life I missed the Iligan City fiesta celebration.

Weigh: Luxury Or Cheapskate Galore

2005-09-21T10:00:00.000+08:00

I accompanied Jeremy, Ryan, and Sam yesterday in a mission to Makro Cebu. Our Mission: Room Beautification and Luxury Setup.

We have stepped into Makro Cebu at around 5PM. We're very afraid that we can't get in the store (except for Ryan who holds a membership "paper"). As we went on the information center, it was a relief to hear that they will allow us to pass through. So upon passing the entrance, we rushed to the TV and DVD section. After that, we went to the other sections to get the stuffs that we need. Ryan is our "manager" on the mission, so it's like a "Yes Sir" for the three of us.

I am really puzzled. Will I weigh "luxury on a branded and durable TV/DVD player" over "cheapskate TV/DVD player" or the other way around? As we casted our votes, it's the latter who has the favor. I still feel guilty because even though it's a "cheapskate" thing compared to the other option, it's still an "expenditure" over my budget. And to make my mind stir up a bit, I posted on the previous article that I should set my priorities rather than luxury and other stuffs.

But oh well, this afternoon we'll be having our TV/DVD player. It wouldn't be bad at all if we have it in the room. At least, I can relax at home without spending much on playing Frozen Throne DotA Allstars (except for electricity costs of course).

Priorities

2005-09-20T06:03:00.000+08:00

I was hired as a programmer for about 4 months now. For the duration, I still feel like I haven't set my priority yet. Frozen Throne DotA AllStars, weekend gimmicks, tinkling the net, pocketbooks ... what else had been my doings during my stay here in Lapulapu City? I haven't touched anything related to business, planning, technology, innovation, and anything "worthwhile" as to what most workaholics describe of.

Lately, something's bothering my mind. I have a cousin who's very very sick with hyperthyroidism. I have a cousin who have not stepped college, and cousins who are still on their highscool years. I have a cousin who needs to finish her degree in college, but the most important thing is that I still have my mom to attend to her needs. I feel like I haven't turned the tables yet.

Even though I am very far from home, I still think that I am responsible in helping out the family. As my brother tells me always, "We really need to help each other especially now that crises are tormenting the family." I feel ashamed that I am here having the most of my life, and have not "helped" my family. I am still starting, and worse of it, it torments me when I can't give them the most that I could have.

Do I really need to set my priorities? My stand is that it's okay for me to give them my all 'coz I can still live without the luxuries. I have grasped them during my college days, and I don't want to see my family in grief. I really hope all things are well for us. I really don't want to blog this one but my fingers forced me to.

Splinter On The House

2005-09-17T08:22:00.000+08:00

I went into my room by 2PM yesterday. I was supposed to be off the office by 8AM but because there's a scheduled meeting at 12:30PM then I just stayed at the office.

Upon reaching my room, I dressed up and read just one chapter of Sophie's World. I was about to sleep when suddenly I heard squeaks under Sam's bed. I could not help it but look at what's under Sam's bed. To my amazement, there was a mouse (a cute little one) inside Sam's curled painting. So cute.

I am really wondering where could have that mouse come from. The hole on the door's very narrow for a mouse to get in. I checked the bathroom and then our kitchen. It wouldn't make sense where it could have come from.

What could be the positive side of having a mouse inside the room? All I know is that they can make holes in clothes. They can chew anything. The worst part is that it can even bite you. So I am left with an option of killing it. But the mouse looks cute.

Maybe Sam did brought that! Hehehe....

Believing An Entity

2005-09-16T09:03:00.000+08:00

"If I am capable of grasping God objectively, I do not believe, but precisely because I cannot do this I must believe. If I wish to preserve myself in faith I must constantly be intent upon holding fast the objective uncertainty, so as to remain out upon the deep, over seventy thousand fathoms of water, still preserving my faith"
Soren Kierkegaard

Many philosophers have formulated their projects. To some extent, they haven't reached their ultimate goal. So what they do they abate on it and formulate a thesis out of it. While they make it as a thesis, there are others that makes an anti-thesis, and at some point a synthesis will be made from both. At a point of time, that synthesis will be a thesis and then a cycle now begins. It's like all are made by thoughts. There are those that are made by material things, but existentially they still lack something that could prove its worth.

No such philosopher have made it to their extremes. There had been no ultimate existential philosophy that barraged our thoughts. Like for instance with Kierkegaard, I can say that he haven't reached his ultimate thesis by looking at the statement.

For me, I am still doubtful on the existence of such an entity. I do have faith, but somehow being that "open-minded" screws up my mind. My skepticism's always the numerator on all things when philosophy battles within me. Why am I babbling now? I don't know. If I had been wrong on my thesis, damn! It would really show how troubled my mind is concerning my views of life.

Could someone give me a peace of mind?

Nationwide Crackdown

2005-09-13T22:45:00.000+08:00

Read Here

Politically Left-out

2005-09-13T05:16:00.000+08:00

I can still remember my highschool days that my Social Studies research paper was about the Marcos Regime, on cronyism, nepotism, and the likes. The Caterpillar was one of my colleagues that time.

I can still remember my early college days when I am with STAND-IIT. I was also affiliated with youth mass organizations. During those days I served the students in particular and served the people in general. I was featured in television and in radio for the oil strikes, peso devaluations, student concerns, etc. I had marched the streets with a megaphone to speak out the concerns of the studentry and/or the general people. I joined conferences, debates, and forums in order to be updated with news about the economy and politics as well. I wrote articles in order to let others know the latest, and what needs to be done in order to suppress some problems that haunts the masses.

Right now, all I could say is that I am politically left-out. Conversing with my office mates on their views on the current issues really makes a slap on my face. I should have updated myself with these issues. I even envy those bloggers who puts into their blogs their views on the current political crises the country has. I feel like I don't have concerns in the country with my current condition. Honestly speaking, I really have doubts with the status quo. I am concerned with the people being oppressed and exploited. What I lack are the issues.

Is this really the result when you don't have a television at your room? Is this really the result when you don't buy newspapers or even read at newspaper stands? Is this really the result when you are too lazy browsing the likes of Inquirer.net?

Success And Maturity

2005-09-11T18:38:00.000+08:00

I am so glad to hear in our highschool batch's e-groups that they have passed the board exams, have a job, went into trips outside the country, have a gig, scored in a business, whatever.

To the Batch '99 of MSU-IIT Integrated Developmental School, DUGANG KADASIG. I hope we can have some more outings and discuss all the events that passed our lives - the success that we acquired, the failures that we have encountered.

Finally we are in the stage that would give us a chance to conquer the world and plan our domination schemes!

Male-To-Male Textmate

2005-09-09T01:27:00.000+08:00

Before anything else, here are my answers to the previous trivia questions:

A square (It has RIGHT angles)
Rollerskates (assuming it has eight wheels)
ONE WORD can be formed in NEW DOOR

Right now this someone's still messaging me trivia questions. I really don't know what this someone's intentions is, but here are some of the last few SMS conversations that we have.

Someone: Are you really avoiding me talaga? Di kana nagrereply eh. Siguro naiinis ka na. Just tell me if you don't like na to be texted. Kung hindi ka magrereply talagang magtetext pa rin ako sa iyo.
Me: Sori ngayon lang ako nakareply. Kagigising ko lang. Sori di ako nakapagreply sa iyo yesterday kasi busy talaga yung day tapos i don't have time to tinkle with my phone.
Someone: Okay lang. Basta importante ngayon nagreply ka. So bale kumusta man? I hope di ako nakaistorbo sa tulog mo. Kung naistorbo man kita balik ka na lang sa tulog mo. Wala lang, nabo-bored lang kasi ako eh.
Me: Di ka man nakaistorbo. Okay lang man. Hmmm ... Bored? How can someone like you be cheered up?
Someone: Kahit na magtext lang tayo masaya na ako. So tell me about yourself? Your likes and dislikes?
Me: I am someone who believes that we all have to experience the warmth before we grow old. I love conversationalists and I don't like dull people. How about you?
Someone: Me? I am somewhat complicated. Basta, complicated talaga ako. Don't ask why.

After that one I didn't replied. By that time I was already in my workstation, and I have many things to do. For about 20 minutes after, that someone SMS'ed me:

Sori talaga kung naistorbo kita. I'll tell you this nalang na I'm a male. So tell me if it's okay with you na magka-text tayo, don't ever forget to tell me that.

So that was the "someone" who's sending trivia messages to me. This wasn't my first time encountering a "male-who-wants-to-have-a-textmate" (I think it's the third time already if I can recall). Honestly, being friendly is of no problem to me. I am friendly too. What I don't like are those bunch of people who always stalks and then converse with such nonsense topics and even giving vague answers to your queries. I really HATE people that are shy on telling who they are.

For that "someone", try not to hide yourself 'coz maybe at some nick of time you'll regret doing that.

Stalking For Triviality

2005-09-07T17:16:00.000+08:00

There's this someone lately who's sending me trivial question. Here are some of them:

What's the correct geometrical figure?
What has 8 wheels and carries only one passenger?
Can you form one word in "NEW DOOR"?

There had been a bunch of them from someone who doesn't want to have an acquaintance with me. That person has a SUN cellular connection, so I can call or SMS whenever I want. It's only that "that person" only replies to my SMS but "that person" drops out my call. Pretty weird. "That person" asked me "What if I'm a he, will you still be answering my trivias? I like you because you're smart, but I am shy for now to let myself acquainted to you."

I can remember The Caterpillar for now, and I don't like the feeling that I am receiving now. If it's an acquaintance, it must be!

Sheer Exhaustion Equation

2005-09-07T04:15:00.000+08:00

One whole day of DotA AllStars + Overnight work = SHEER EXHAUSTION

Right now my eyes do need something to get it open up until 9AM today. My mind's not functioning well, and I am craving for food. I had made myself 4 cups of coffee, but still it never worked for me.

I can't imagine yesterday that I just played DotA AllStars with Sam, Jeremy and Jeffrey. I just had a couple of meal breaks to spare my tummy.

So it means that I am almost awake for 24 hours, and I had been infront of a PC for about 20 hours. Will that explain why my eyes are tired?

*Looking for my bed*

Yellow Cab and Wedding Crasher Experience

2005-09-05T13:37:00.000+08:00

At the office, I always hear from the phone center agents the line "Let's go to Yellow Cab after our shift." I really was wondering where's that place, and why the name Yellow Cab.

Yesterday, we (me, Jeffrey, Sam, Donna, and Richelle) went to Yellow Cab Pizza. We ordered the 18 inch New York's finest and some few cans of Coke. Now I can see the very reason why the term "Yellow Cab." And the air was filled with Alternative Rock and Grunge music. So cool! Honestly, I like the food, but the fact that the so-called "attendants" are not really accomodating. They just served as "Sweepers." After we dined, there's still a slice of pizza left. We cannot finish it since we're very full. So by 8:30PM we just got off and went to SM to watch Wedding Crashers."

The movie was nice, and the girls were really that hot! Whew! As I had watched the movie, I cannot help thinking "What if I was a wedding crasher?" Plenty of girls, plenty of food, plenty of excitement - those are great! But I like the job that I have now. The 5 of us were surprised to see Jeremy with his girlfriend Mitch (Rowena was with them too) just at the back of our seats. There was not much people in the cinema that's why we are free to laugh (HAHA)! After the movies, we got home and had myself treated with Gilbey's Gin!

Next week, we'll be doing the same experience again (but with a different movie of course).

On Stage

2005-09-05T12:55:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday I went to SM together with Jeffrey. I got out of the office at 9AM and then I just went in the room to fix myself and have Jeffrey come along with me at SM because I have to call my mom. We just wandered around SM after I had done my mission (since it's the 3-day sale) and until 9PM we got off to Jollibee Mandaue to meet Richelle, Donna, and Anthony (Sam came along with us).

First we went to Pipeline and had this "bottoms-up-iced-tea" experience. After that we went to Vudu but to our dismay there are no more seats, and as we went to K1 there were no vacant rooms for us to stay. What we did is we went to The Village. First we planned to go at The Courtyard but it's very full, so we just went to Yo Latino because we're already tired.

Honestly, I don't like the band and music at that place. We just sat and listened to them and had a few bottles of beer. I was shocked that Anthony handed a paper at the vocalist containing a list of songs that he wanted them to play. They cannot sing the songs but they can play the music. What did my friends do? They pushed me into the stage and let me sing two songs. First was "Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling and "Unwell" by Matchbox 20.

At that very incident, I feel like I am ashamed. I have no stage presence that time. I didn't looked at the audience. I just sang with the best that I can. After the two songs, they clapped at me while I just turned red thinking of embarrassment.

At least, it's my first time in Cebu City to be on-stage! And by the way, I was awake for 36 hours at that time!

Wasted Effort

2005-09-03T08:01:00.000+08:00

I had worked on a project for three hours, and then I went to the human resource office because someone out there needed my help. When I got back, my boss told me to close my application because he'll continue with it. I closed it. After five minutes my boss e-mailed me stating "Did you worked on this project? As I can see, it's still as is to what was with yesterday's."

I was shocked. It's like I programmed the codes, and did documentations on it. ALL were wasted. Again another blooper galore that I had made in the office. And then I shifted in a sheer-frustrated mode. I received an e-mail again in which it requires me to call my boss. So I got a phone and dialled my boss's number.

We chatted, and I raised to him my concerns. I was wondering if he saw me working on the project. All I know is that he would really know if I am in my workstation or not by just looking at the surveillance camera (we had it installed last week). To my dismay, I never had known that someone out there opened the project that I made. So it's like that when I closed the project, the other application's still open and that when he/she closes it, since he/she's the last one then he/she will have the last write on the file. The project had never been touched, so as they closed it, it was still like yesterday's interface.

Wasted effort, but at least I know how would someone feel if it comes.

You Don't Love A Woman ....

2005-09-02T09:34:00.000+08:00

.... because she's beautiful, but she's beautiful because you love her.

This came up as I opened my friendster account and saw Helen posted an article on the bulletin board. It captivated me.

I have to ask a question though. Did I really ever courted a girl because of her beauty? Hmmm .... honestly I admit that I did included that in my picks. But what weighed most is the beauty that I can "see" on her brains. I like conversionalists, and I like someone that's not dull.

Oh well, here I am again with my fantasies. Darns!

How about you .... did you ever courted someone/accepted someone and loved him/her because of his/her physical self? Or is it just for the sake of having someone as a girlfriend/boyfriend?

What Makes Us Human?

2005-09-01T04:36:00.000+08:00

Is it that because we are made with the image and likeness of God, or is it because of the evolution process that we came from a monkey?

People still are debating with it, each side pounding their arguments to the other. I can still remember during my highschool years that Glenn had researched on it (I was doing research on Chemical and Biological warfare that time).

I am someone who always question about the existence of God. I am not doubtful, nor skeptic, nor agnostic. The question "What makes us human?" is still very vague to take. Even ultra-evolutionists doesn't have a concrete answer to that, and so as to the ultra-creationists that doesn't have a concrete explanation on how man came to exist.

For me, what makes us human is the fact that we think, react, and interact with each and every mankind living on earth. How about you? What makes us human?

"Pinoy Windows" - Something To Be Dealt With

2005-08-31T10:37:00.000+08:00

Recently I had browsed over iSTORYA.net. It's been a long time since I had browsed the forums. I happened to pass by the "Software and Games" section, and I happened to stare at a post which states of an existence of a Pinoy Windows. Without hesitation, I went to the link and read the article.

Upon reading it, I took note of the capabilities of the operating system. It doesn't support networking and limits users to running only three programs at a time. This is pretty bad because most corporations here are aiming to have operating systems that support networking, and even a kid will run more than three applications at a time. It is quite cheap compared to the home edition, but somehow most of the Pinoys are going for cracks and/or use open-source operating systems like Linux.

Here's the catchy part: "help the local economy become globally competitive". I think they should have not abstracted the very reason to stop software piracy. Filipinos are globally competitive with our skills and knowledgeability of things, but somehow it's all with the help of piracy. I admit that I had used pirated softwares, but it still gained me knowledge, and I can compete with other guys as well.

I am not into piracy, infact I am against it. Basically it's a pain in the ass for software developers. What I am furious is about the abstraction made on this innovation.

Cold-tagious

2005-08-30T22:55:00.000+08:00

For the past two weeks, I was really worried with Jeremy's condition. He had severe coughs and colds, and he always feel feverish. Whatever medicine he would take, he still looks sick, and at work it seems like he wants to sweat himself just to be freed from the feverish feeling.

Last week, Sam was the one who feels feverish. Not to mention also, Nova had a sore throat which eventually made her skip work for two days. At the same time, Jeffrey had coughs and colds. The three were not feeling well. I told them that they should eat fruits like Jeremy so that they can gain up with their condition.

And now, here I am in front of the PC, with severe coughs and colds. I think it was because of last week that I barely had sleep and my resistance to such viruses is low. I'm not really prone to sickness, but it just caught me. I feel like feverish, but I still have to work.

So in Mathematical terms, it's like if Jeremy had colds, then Sam can be contaminated. If Sam has colds, then Jeffrey can be contaminated. If Jeffrey has colds, then I can be contaminated. Therefore, applying the rule of transitivity, if Jeremy had colds, then I can be contaminated. Darns, "cold-tagious" though.

*Coughs and Sniffs*

If Only

2005-08-29T11:23:00.000+08:00

.... I can find the word "If Only" on Jennifer Love Hewitt's movie "If Only".

Yesterday had been a drama day for me, Jeffrey, Sam, Richelle, and Donna. Before we have met, me, Jeffrey, and Sam played DotA Allstars. We're supposed to have a badminton game at 4PM. Bad thing is that we forgot the time and it was 4:30PM that we had finished a game. We got there at the badminton court at 5PM, and we just extended an hour so that the five of us can play.

After the game, we went to Ayala to have our supper at Dessert Factory. We stayed there for about 2 hours, talking about anything. We talked about our love lifes, everything about the word love. I was so overwhelmed of their stories, and so I gave them a suggestion that we should watch "If Only". The movie will start at 9:20PM, so we still have time to reach the movie house on time.

We watched. The five of us we're very silent on the movie house. I shed a tear, and I don't know on the others. The movie gives me a lightning in the heart. "If only I could have hold on to that very girl who's very dear to me." If only ....

The movie's great though, but somehow I ended my night with a sad emotion. I think that I should have moved on, but nonetheless it was still hard for me. As Donna tells me, "you're so tragic with girls." Am I this tragic? Damn!

Such A Work-Blooper

2005-08-28T13:18:00.000+08:00

Lately I had been working nightshifts due to the fact that I don't want to wake up early at 4AM to be at the office before 5AM. What's good for me is that I just sleep all day and go to the office before 11PM.

Yesterday was really a fuzz. I went home last friday 6PM and had slept by 7PM. So that means that I was in the office for about 20 hours. I don't know what came into me that I stayed long. I finished my work that time during my shift, and I had all the available time that I had. I ate three company meals already, and I was so abusive that I just tinkled the PC the whole day. We just had a copy of Warcraft Frozen Throne and then we downloaded DotA Allstars in the office, and that made me stay all afternoon at the office.

I woke up at 10PM and fixed myself for work. As I logged on to my workstation, there had been two jobs for me. I finished the first one at 3AM, and started to examine the second job. During that time, I feel so sleepy, and I can barely open up my eyes. I even joked around the other officemates just to be alive and kicking for work. I had no choice but to be awake and finish my job. I wanted to sleep though, but my snoring problem really beats me out. So what did I do? I went out without telling Mark where I am going, and I happened to pass by Sam and borrowed the room keys (for I left mine) and as I reached my room I grabbed a pillow and slept. The very next thing was Jeremy called me on my cellular phone and told me that Jon (my boss) was very worried and he hold me that I should continue my sleep and he will handle my job.

Pretty bad. I'm such a blooper. I wanted to apologize to Jon, but still my body was very weak to go to the office. I promised Sam that I was to get to the workstation an hour after, but still I just reclined on my bed. Damn!

My Past And My Hoping-To-Be Future

2005-08-25T04:15:00.000+08:00

LAST WEEK, our island-hopping plan came into reality. It was really fun. Also, my boss was here in Lapu-lapu City to join and train us. Last week was a really hectic schedule, but it was fun and cool!

TWENTY YEARS AGO, I was two (2) years old. As to that, I can hardly remember what happened to me during that time.

FIFTEEN YEARS AGO, I was seven (7) years old. I can still remember that I broke a flower pot into my head playing "who's the strongest" with my cousin. I bled and I was rushed to the hospital, with me tasting the blood that gushed out and eventually reached my mouth.

TEN YEARS AGO, I was 12 years old. I can still remember that I was a fuzz at Resel (my grade 6 crush) since she just heard me utter something which was very conceited, and it made her furious. She gave me a card that says "I hate you, and you're such an ugly, conceited braggart". I was supposed to give her a sorry flower but as I read the message I tore the card in the flower and made a card addressed to Freya. So bad of me.

FIVE YEARS AGO, I was 17 years old. I can still remember that mom wanted me out of the family because I didn't followed her advice that I have to break up with Karen because it made me crazy like I was doing things which ought doesn't describe me. On that year also, Yoni and I are discussing faith and such because I was an agnostic that time. That very year I broke up with Karen and moved on with life with a fresh start.

THREE YEARS AGO, I was 19 years old. I can still remember this year as a glory year for me. I survived fourth year college without a single book opened and on evenings I go out with drinking sprees. No unusual thing happened to me though in this year.

LAST YEAR, I look very very fat. It was like hell. Everyday was a beer day to me. Me and my barkada start drinking sprees at 2 or 3PM and end up around 5 or 6AM the next day. I was addicted with MMORPG games by this year.

THIS YEAR, I finally finished my college degree. Thesis nights were very crucial for me, Bob, and Jeffrey. It was like two weeks were left, and we're still at the very start of it. It's a good thing we've finished it and made it to the isle (I have to walk the isle though next year). I now had a work in which it would be my bread and butter for survival. Bad for me that me and Zaki split up because of time constraints and long-distance relationship could not blossom. Until the end of the year, I must strive in order to get the promotion that I am waiting for.

NEXT YEAR, I hope I can have the luxury I always wanted. Also, next year will be the year that I will walk the isle with a diploma in my hand.

TEN YEARS FROM NOW, I hope that on that time I have a family to live with.

WHO I WISHED WOULD TAKE THESE QUESTIONS? Anyone can ;)

Islandscapade

2005-08-23T16:47:00.000+08:00

Views Of Some Of Mactan's Islands
(I Cannot Memorize Their Names)

Happy And Eager People

Yours Truly
The Official Tanggero

The Long-awaited Island Hopping Trip

2005-08-21T22:32:00.000+08:00

At last our island-hopping trip around Mactan island was now a reality.

We took off around 8:30AM. Supposedly, we are to meet at 7:30AM at Orange Brutus in Basak, but unfortunately me and Jeffrey we're late! Jon and Todd we're there, together with the programmers (Owen wasn't able to come), Mushna, Donna, Raechelle, Ella, and Carlos' brother.

For the very first time I learned how to use the snorkel. Also for the very first time I had tried swimming far from the shore. All I am thankful is that my left arm was at a good condition that time, or else I could have ended up with a sling on it.

Right now, I'm very tired and I wanted to relax. At last, the long-awaited island-hopping trip was a reality. Next stop .... BOHOL!

***Pictures will follow***

Seven

2005-08-20T12:39:00.000+08:00

Again this is from Tom!

Seven Things That Scare Me

Being Alone

Stabbed At The Back

Bitten By A Snake

A Scorpion's Sting

Being Robbed

Drowning At Sea

Seeing A Goblin

Seven Things That I Like the Most

Sports

Nature Tripping

Tinkling the PC

Forums and Discussions

Food and Liquor Trip

Nightlife Escapades

Traveling (I hope I can)

Seven Important Things in My Bedroom

Bed (of course)

Electric Fan (If Airconditioner then it's cool)

Computer (I hope I can have one now)

Books and Magazines

Stamps, Bottles, and Cigar packs collection

A writing table and a chair of course

Guitar

Seven Random Facts About Me

Loves to drink and party-out

Loves blogging

Enjoys discussions and forums

Always has the mood for oldie clothing

Likes Alternative Rock and Trance and Techno

Skinny ones and now a fat one

Someone who needs to mend his left shoulder

Seven Things I Plan to do Before I die

Must have a family of course

Must have a tour at Greece

Do skydiving

Do scuba diving

Own a convertible

Have a great "something" with my name on it

Must own a business

Seven Things I can do

Drink beer all day

Can be a fast-learner in any sport

Write articles (nonsense or not)

Sing in a videoke

Make salads

Read anything sensual

Sleep at any position (hehehe)

Seven Things I Can’t Do

Reach my back with my left arm

Lie

Drive an automobile

See people far from me

Eat Durian

Sneak out and hide ('coz I'm big)

Play Counterstrike for an hour 'coz it makes me sick

Seven Things that Attract Me to the Opposite Sex

Clean Feet

Flawless Skin

Shapely Legs

Tantalizing Eyes

Intelligence

Open-mindedness

I like someone so sporty

Seven Things You Say the Most

Burak!

Oh My God!

Shits!

Buing!

Gago

Shet Kanamit!

Kayata!

Seven Celeb Crushes (whether local or foreign)

Karel Marquez

Nicole Hernandez

Toni Gonzaga

Jessica Alba

Jun-Jee-Hyun

Vicki Zhao Wei

Meg Ryan

Seven People I want to take this Quiz

The Book Club Tag

2005-08-20T11:06:00.000+08:00

I was tagged by Tom!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's in a book?

For me a book depict wonders. It can be so factual that it enriches our knowledge; it can be fantasy that can add some spice in our thought; it can be philosophical that can make us think what life is to be and what the world was meant for someone.

Number of books on the shelves

Mom really collects books, that's why I can claim I have such numerous books on the shelves! HAHAHA!

Those that I own or bought:

Last few books that I bought:

Book that I'm reading now:

Jostein Gaarder's Sophie's World

Last few books read:

Dan Brown's Angels And Demons and The Da Vinci Code

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then I tag along Fleire, Russ, Ria, Nico, and Rolly.

Serenity

2005-08-19T14:13:00.000+08:00

How I wish I could be so serene like this one

My mind right now's not really that peaceful. I have many things in mind in which I want to disclose with. It's just that when problems struck me I feel like I am given the burdens of the earth.

Let me classify some. First I miss my family so much, and I miss Iligan City. I am always thinking of when will be a time that I can spend such quality get-together with my mom and the rest of the family. Also, I miss my friends now since I am like "secluded" from the society because of my latest addiction to Frozen Throne DotA AllStars. I wanted Jeffrey to have a stable job right now, and I feel guilty that I haven't toured him yet on the outskirts of the city. To weigh much, I miss someone out there who doesn't even tell me if she's alright and doing great and someone whom I think does not care that much.

I wish I can have a peace of mind. I wanted to be happy, but somehow I am depressed on my situation.

Face-to-face With Your Boss

2005-08-18T11:41:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I had stayed at Western Wats. I go to office, login to my PC, and email my boss Jon that I am online. My teammates does that too. It's like the Charlie's Angels movie that Jon tells us "Good Morning Angels". We haven't seen him or met him. It's like he's virtual to us. Carlos just did a phone conversation with him once, but also for him he seems to be somewhat virtual.

Last Tuesday, we are to report at 4AM. Our boss Jon will be here to meet us in the office. We were very excited about it. What we did is to make speculations on what he looks like. Nova described him as a big, tall, not-so-old person who probably has a mustache on. I don't have some speculations since I'm not good at it, and also I don't want my speculations to be wronged if I have one. bad for her that her speculations were wrong.

So by around 4:30AM two American guys arrived at the office. To me, I can sense who Jon would be, and I was right. The other guy was Todd, the one who will be with the data processors. We met and then had a good conversation with him. We joined him on every meal, and his presence really makes us feel that we're working in Utah. What makes me very nervous is when a time would come that it's my turn to talk. It seems that I ran out of topic, and then the hype of the conversation would be lost. But oh well, I just babbled things off-topic from work like Warcraft, computer games, and anything that goes through my head.

With this event, it's like he's REAL. He's no "Charlie" in Charlie's angels. It's good that we have met him. It's very different when you face your boss than having a virtual chat.

Slipped Off The Gutter

2005-08-15T17:42:00.000+08:00

I was about to go to the office. I was still in our room at noon since Jeremy and Jeffrey talked a lot. We chatted, and we decided to go downstairs to play Frozen Throne DotA AllStars. I am not supposed to play, and I was supposed to go back to the office by 1PM to clean up my messy cubicle. But I was tempted. We played until 3PM. After 2 games, I hurried myself to the office.

Before I was about to reach the entrance of MEPZ2, I saw Mushna and the other data processors. She called me, and we talked and talked. They told me that I should not go to the office for all of the people there had left. They really convinced me and I walked along with them. While walking and talking, it came to a point that I slipped the gutter. My pants are wet, as well as my shoes. It was very bad because it was not wet with water, but it was wet with mud. People who were there stared at me, as if I was a clumsy child.

What did I do? I just pretended that Mushna pushed me, and then I lighted my cigar. I hurriedly walked up the room, and did the laundry. Damn! My shoes are wet and so are my pants and my socks. I went down the room and the people who saw me still stared at me as a clumsy child. What a shame!

I Am A Boring Person

2005-08-13T00:37:00.000+08:00

Right now my routine is to wake up, fix myself, go down to our ever-friendly gamestation and play Frozen Throne DotA AllStars, eat, fix myself again, go to work, and then sleep after work.

This has been my routine for two weeks now. It was only last Sunday that I went downtown to Cebu to have a night's pleasure with my roomies. I feel guilty because Jeffrey has just arrived here in Cebu since last Sunday and I haven't given him a chance to explore the outskirts of Cebu because of my boring routine. I'm so ashamed.

Tomorrow I'm going to fix that. I was invited for a badminton game, and I'm not going to miss it. Next week will be more work for me since my boss will be arriving here in Cebu from Utah. I hope that Jeffrey will be given the job so that we can be officemates, and that means the teams are now balanced and we can now play Starcraft!

Due To Stomach Pains

2005-08-11T07:53:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I had stomach pains. What caused it is abstract to me. The other day Jeremy and I raced to the room on our way out of the office to get to the bathroom first. Jeremy got in first and I have to wait, and then when Jeremy was finished I went in and did my stuff. Success! The bad feeling extended yesterday, that I have to stay at the room and had to skip work. It's a good thing Jeffrey was there to accompany me.

The electricity was out. It was so hot in the room and all we did was just to talk about trash and nonsense stuff. We got bored, and when the lights flicked on, both of us had the same thinking that we must play Frozen Throne DotA Allstars. I cannot go out far from room because I am afraid that my stomach pains would occur again. It's a good thing that the game station's just on the first floor of the building.

We played from 10AM up to 8PM and just had a lunch break at 2PM. Jeffrey and I played a 1-on-1 on our first round (bad for me I lost) and then 3 games were 3-on-3 (we won 3-0). Next we went 3-on-4 (we won again) and then we got to 4-on-4 (again we won). The last was a very great game. We played 5-on-5 and we won the game. I just played as the Phantom Lancer (except for the 1-on-1 game in which I played as the Treant Protector).

Due to stomach pains, I spent my yesterday with DotA Allstars. It was not my intention that I cannot go far from the room because of my condition. If I were at office yesterday, I could have saved my money from the food and from the computer usage. But oh well! Addiction is addiction, and when you're really hooked up with it, you'll really spend no matter what!

Someone Hates Me Now

2005-08-10T23:02:00.000+08:00

Three days from now, and from that day going 3 months backward marks the day of me and Zaki. Honestly, while writing this article my eyes are wet with tears.

Last week I wrote a friendster testimonial to Zaki. To my surprise, she haven't approved it. Moreover with the profile deletions and with the ever SMS and call denial, I think she hates me. I really wondered why. I recalled our conversation during the time of our breakup and I realized that maybe I may have hurt her. I uttered these words ....

"Honestly, I know that on this very moment of our meet I was expecting that you would break up with me!"

I really thought that line might have hurt her. I was not expecting though, but it slipped my tongue. So very bad of me. It hurt her that much since by the time that I took her to her dormitory she said "So you're expecting, huh?" and I had nothing to say but just simply to shook my head which was very late for me to eat those words back.

Am I that really bad? I know that I treasure relationships, even be possessive when I do feel that the need arises (I am not that "possessive"). But why did this occur to me? Karen (my first girlfriend) confronted me last year to become friends and Myra (my second girlfriend) and I are now at peace-mode. I don't want my past to happen again with Zaki, but in this situation I think history repeated itself.

And now here I am, still my eyes are wet. Zaki, if you are reading this I hope you'll forgive me for what I have done to you.

Saying "I Love You"

2005-08-08T11:14:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I got up a quarter near 7AM. I was supposed to fetch Jeffrey at Pier 5 since he hardly knows the way here in Cebu (last time he went here was with me two years ago). After fetching him, we went to Chowking in Jones and then talked and talked about what happened in Iligan City, and about his applications in Western Wats.

Around 9AM, we had decided to give Pepe a visit. Before we had arrived at his dormitory, we happened to pass by a Phone Card shop. I stopped and bought myself a hundred-credit prepaid phone card, and went to Bo's Coffee and dialed a number which directs me to my home in Iligan City. Genevieve had picked up the phone, and she trasferred it to my mom.

Mom was really talkative. She always asks me if I am fine here. In our conversations, there are three things in which she never forgets to ask. First is "Have you ever had saved from your salary"?, second is "Have you ever watched over your weight?", and the other is "How's your shoulder?". We just chit-chatted for half and hour, told me about the events at home, told her of my happenings at work and in my social life, and talked about anything.

I was now about to say goodbye at mom when she uttered "Take Care .... Love You". It pounded me. When was the last time I heard her say that? That I do not know. Gosh! I was stunned! I replied "I love you too"!

I Think This Is Physical Abuse

2005-08-06T12:05:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I woke up at 4PM. Without further hesitation, I dressed up, brushed my teeth, and went downstairs the apartment to go to the gaming station and play Frozen Throne. Damn! Am I really addicted with this game? I played up until 10PM and had a quick late-supper with Jeremy and then I reported at my workstation by 10PM.

At the office, My tasklist to do a seven-paged-documented program. It was only seven pages though, but it's really a tough one. Up until this time of my post, I am still awake, and guess what? I am eyeing for a sleep somewhat like that of the cat below.

Now I Am Really This Tired

2005-08-05T08:56:00.000+08:00

Just A Snore

2005-08-05T08:21:00.000+08:00

This morning I feel that I am weak. I don't know. It's not that I haven't slept yesterday afternoon. I slept around 10:30AM and then I woke up at 7PM. That's not bad for a good sleep. I woke up and ate my supper and then I spent two hours playing Frozen Throne and then afterwards I prepared myself for me to go to the office.

Work for this time was really a hustle. Doing something which isn't your work is a tedious task. And not to include the several changes from the client that I am working with. I was bugged with several requests of "Do this, delete this, add this, change this" work. My brain did functioned, but after doing ALL work in which the client requested really slowed me down.

I was listening to Cueshe music with the headphone inserted on my head. I reclined myself to a position that my feet would be on top of the CPU. I didn't intend to sleep, but just to ease out. After doing so, I just found out that I snored. It was only once, but it was very loud. I woke up with that and found out that Mark's head turned to me, and so did my other office mates who were at the other side of the cubicle. Damn! It's so shameful of me!

My Latest Addiction

2005-08-04T23:22:00.000+08:00

Lately I had been addicted to Frozen Throne. Me, Eizzel, and Jeremy are trying to figure a good team strategy for the DotA game. After work, we go out at a nearby gaming station just to play the game, and sometimes play with other players as well. Eizzel's a good strategy player, so as Jeremy. I am still a noob, but I am trying to keep up with them. This has been my latest addiction by now.

The weird part is that with this latest addiction of mine, I don't crave for drinking sprees anymore. I dunno why. The so-called party-monger trickyboy turned himself into a control-freak trickyboy. I morphed into something new. Probably a product of boredom, but hell it is not the main reason. I simply find that there are many more things to explore rather than going out on a drinking spree and waste myself afterwards. As the Sherminator of American Pie 2 says, "I am a geek".

When A Tear Drops

2005-08-04T04:50:00.000+08:00

"I don't know why this won't stop, cause maybe it just won't stop."
Hale

Had you had an experience that a tear would drop when you hear a song with such touching lyrics? I do sometimes shed a tear when I watch movies and then a dialogue simply strucks me. For a song, I never had experienced it until now.

I was listening to Hale's Bent Down when suddenly I shed a tear just before the song ended. The lyrics was good and the song was great. Since my playlist was only composed of Hale, Cueshe and Sponge Cola songs, it came to a point that the song will be repeated. For the second repeat, not only a tear dropped, but my eyes were now wet. Good thing it was fast for me to wipe them out before Mark could see me (for it's only the two of us who are in the office at that time).

That song was really touching. The more touching part is the thought of having someone to think of. I should be happy by now since she's happy by now (I think). Well it's not bad to shed a tear though. A woman and a man would shed a tear when emotions would struck like lightning. As Hale also puts it, "I know I am and I will though it’s wrong, so wrong."

"Made up my mind on this
Too late for me to hold you back
Maybe too short or dumb
To cry for you but I will anyway"
Hale